


Ad Vitam Aeternam

by thesorceressfromthelake



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Pining, Slow Burn, Soulmates, even with the soulmates there's canon divergence I swear this will make sense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesorceressfromthelake/pseuds/thesorceressfromthelake
Summary: Sonny Carisi has been waiting for his soulmate since birth. He has learned everything he could possibly know about soulmates all in anticipation of meeting them. Him, if he's being really honest with himself.Sonny Carisi meets his soulmate when he least expects him.Or, Carisi is forced to reevaluate everything he knows about love when a case in his first year at SVU hits a little too close to home.





	1. First is for Family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to tobeconspicuous who requested soulmate fic and also talked me through everything about this.

This is what Sonny Carisi knows about soulmates, before he meets his own:

Dominick Carisi and Sabrina Fiore met in high school and their clocks stop at just the same time. They have the sort of perfect relationship, love at first moment, type of soulmate that you see in fairytales, but not in movies because it's a little dull. They meet each other and they know at that instant, forever, that they're meant to be together. They’ll have three little girls and a little boy, till death do they part. Pretty white lines on their wrists etched into nine forty-five, right before English with Mrs. Burnett for both of them, first day of Junior year. 

Sonny expected this for himself. After all, everyone thinks they'll grow to be their parents and Sonny admired his more than most. 

Bella meets her soulmate with a crash, literally. She's off to teach some kids who can hardly spell and Tommy works the type of job that will hire ex-cons. It takes--well it takes a second. Bella bumps into him, says "Sorry!" in an accented rush. Tommy catches her voice, catches her hair, doesn't catch much else and smiles, says no problem. Bella catches his smile and all of a sudden-

Everything stops.

“Oh my god. It's you!” She grins, so happy, barely resisting jumping up and down. Tommy's heart stops too. They're both almost late to work, but they make it in time. Turns out they take the same subway. 

Bella recounts this story to her parents, who try not to be judgemental about Tommy’s life story. Bella tells her siblings, who are happy for her, very happy. But also, also...

Gina's soulmark doesn't tick. It starts and stops with spurts, stopping for days and weeks at a time. She falls in love with everyone she meets when it's stopped--an actor on tv, an eighth grade algebra teacher, her teller at the bank, her first boyfriend, a man at a bar. Ma frowns the first time it happens--not like she's mad, like she's worried and can't make sense of what happened. Dad smiles the first time it starts up again, uncertain. "Guess Gina's got a lot of love to give." He says it like a joke, or a comfort, but Gina doesn't think it's funny one bit. 

Gina sobs broken, so scared the first time it happens, the second, the third. Sonny empathizes--he's cried too, but because his just wouldn't stop--makes her dessert and whatever she wants until she's back on her feet, swearing next time it'll stop for sure, next time will be the one for sure. Gina's been engaged six times and not a single one has stopped her heart for more than three months. Sonny’s started to think she’s worse off than Teresa. 

Teresa doesn't have a clock; her arm is pale and smooth. Teresa dates older men who don't have soul marks, who do have soul marks, and all of which have a lot more money than her. What's anyone gonna say? What's she supposed to wait around for? There's no love in her future, according to everything, so why shouldn't she do what she wants.

What Sonny knows, as in, actually knows, about soulmates before he meets his own:

There are actually many exceptions to what Sonny thought about soulmates. Sonny is fourteen and Gina has had her first major heartbreak when he sits himself down at the library and does some pretty obsessive research. From case files, to scientific studies, to newspaper articles, he finds evidence that: some people are born without a clock and some people are born with a clock that will not stop even once their soulmate has met them or will stop for people who are not their soulmates. The most extensive scientific studies come from those whose soulmates have died--and it seems that half of their clocks start right up again, like they never stopped. Some people have more than one soulmate, he reports to Gina excitedly which, for some reason, she doesn’t seem to find comforting at all.

In a peak of pre-teen anger, Gina screams at him, pushing him out of her room. “I don’t want a lot of soulmates. I want my soulmate.” 

She slams the door and goes to sob on her bed, muffled by her pillow but loud enough so that Sonny can hear. Sonny decides to officially give up trying to be nice to Gina for a while.

Still, the entire researching experience was pretty helpful. Sonny considers himself a little more knowledgable than most now, about the intricacies of the soulmate experience. About four percent of the population of the United States has a soulmate whose soulmate is someone else (theoretically, this number is higher). About one percent of the United States has no soul mark (this percentage is about four percent worldwide and, also, theoretically higher). And there are a wide variety of different reactions to meeting your soulmate--some people don’t have a reaction at all, some people experience incredible pain when meeting their soulmate, some people were born without a clock but gain one when they meet their soulmate.

Sonny’s mind is abuzz with information and secure in the knowledge that, while certain reactions might be statistically rarer than others, at least now he knows about them. At least he can prepare himself, prepare his sisters. To meet their soulmates. 

This is what Sonny knows when he meets his soulmate:

Basically nothing.

Knowing all of this intellectually, doesn't prepare Sonny at all.

His time hasn't stopped despite his best efforts. Not even since he figured out he figured out it probably wasn't going to stop for a woman. Not a budge in his clock, not even a moment when the second hand shook, like it does when your soulmate is near but you haven't met them. Sonny watches it constantly, watching it tick through the day. It's so unrelenting that it feels more like wearing a watch, rather than a message from God that he's near the person he's destined to love. 

Sonny's not expecting to meet his soulmate the moment he does. So much is new--new squad, new precinct, new division--his mind is so full of I've-never-done-SVU and what-if-they-hate-me that he's not even thinking soulmate. 

Sonny thinks maybe it's a currently untested hypothesis some scientist should try. If you're thinking about your soulmate, you can't meet your soulmate. The moment you stop, you meet them. 

That's why, when he makes eye contact with the new ADA he's working with, brushing past his shoulder, suddenly, his entire body is immobilized. 

Bella described this to him. Her feeling of overwhelming relief, a sudden understanding of her life and her future that she never had before. No concrete moments, just a sense that she just met the man she was going to be in love with. A sudden shock of pain. 

Sonny didn't understand, but he feels it now, motionless in the middle of the squad room. He whirls around and one of the detectives--Rollins--sends him a questioning look before turning back to the Sergeant. 

Sonny's soulmate is standing there and he hasn't moved. Sonny's soulmate is standing like he didn't feel a thing. 

Sonny wants to rush up to him and grab his arm, pull his sleeve up to see if his clock stopped too but he resists. He stares at the lawyer, before the Sergeant sends him a questioning look and Sonny leaves the room, as calmly as he can. 

Sonny's clock stopped at ten fifteen in the morning, the first day of his new job. 

He's fairly certain his soulmate's is still going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the pretentious Latin title I couldn't help myself.


	2. Soulmates and Special Victims

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny settles in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all my thanks to tobeconspicuous, without whom this would not be happening.

Sonny’s gotten into the habit of bringing Barba coffee. He doesn’t go out of his way to do it but, when he has time, when he’s going to be around Barba anyway, he buys an extra coffee on his way to Barba’s office, cream, no sugar, and sets it down on Barba’s desk before he starts talking.

There’s no guarantee it’ll buy him any goodwill. But sometimes, Barba smiles at him when he sets coffee down on his desk, and that’s really what Sonny’s looking for.

Sonny went to see Barba today. He dropped off paperwork at his office, stuck around for a bit longer than necessary because he just couldn't help himself. 

“You did a really good job in the trial yesterday, Counselor.” He says, after a long drawn out discussion about evidence, paperwork and crime scene photos strewn over Barba’s desk that he’s trying to make into a coherent narrative. Sonny isn’t just saying that. Barba nearly made the defendant cry on the stand and, while normally that would make Barba look unsympathetic, by end of the cross the defendant only looked guilty and pathetic. Given that he’d been abusing a nine-year old girl, Sonny figured that’s how he should look.

That doesn’t mean he’s gotta tell Barba that, when Barba’s clearly got no interest in hearing it. Sonny was about to beat a hasty retreat when Barba finally seemed to find it in him to speak.

“Did you stop by just to tell me that, Carisi?”

Of course. Sonny doesn’t know why he bothers. Well, he knows why he bothers. Sonny just wishes he wouldn’t.

He knows it’s natural, to want to be around his soulmate. It’s a drive; if this person is destined for you there is nothing wrong with wanting to be around him. Still, natural or not, Sonny’s starting to think he’s a little pathetic. All his interest is met with snark and very little else. Barba leaned back in his chair, met every compliment with “I already knew that, Carisi” and “did you stop by just to tell me that?” 

Sonny knows he might have been a little over enthusiastic when he first met Barba. He just met his soulmate, no one could blame him for being excited. But it’s been months and trying to hold an actual, adult conversation with Barba feels like trying to befriend a snapping turtle. It doesn’t love you and it’ll bite if you get to close.

Sonny figures he should cut his losses and head out. Barba’s preparing his closing and he really doesn’t need Sonny hovering over him while he’s doing that. But, Barba waves Sonny forward instead. “Carisi, before you head out. I want to go over the interrogation one more time.” Sonny isn’t entirely sure why Barba needs to go over everything again, but he sits across from the attorney and pulls out the transcript that Amaro had him type up.

Barba never actually makes Sonny leave. Not once. He snarks, he complains, he dismisses Sonny’s suggestions, but the more time Sonny spends around him the more Sonny thinks Barba might actually enjoy his company. He may be wrong, but Sonny lives in hope. Barba’s prickly with everyone, but sometimes when Sonny comes by he smiles. He smiled at him this morning, just a bit, so Sonny drinks coffee with him, stuck around for about ten more minutes than strictly necessary, before heading back to the precinct. 

Sonny’s still thinking about how Barba’s eyes lit up in the courtroom yesterday when he turned around after his cross when the Sarge walks in, a photo and file in hand.

“Everybody gather round.” Sonny’s ashamed he didn’t notice her much at first until she started talking. “We got a case.”

“The vic’s name is Sarah Prentiss.” Benson stands in front of the bulletin board, with a photo of a young woman with jet black hair tacked onto it. Sonny leans against Rollins’s desk while Amaro lingers in the back and Fin stands by Benson’s side. “Twenty-eight years old, stabbed outside a cocktail bar on W 37th Street. Some patrons found her while coming out of the bar. There are bruises all over her arms and signs of sexual trauma. She’s unconscious, but the hospital thinks she’s going to wake up and we want someone there when she does.” She nods at Sonny who looks at Rollins, both of whom look back at Benson. “Hopefully, she’ll be able to tell us what happened but, until then--”

“Fin, Amaro, check out the bar. Interview the witnesses and see if anyone saw anything.”

“Carisi, Rollins, look into her personal life. Find out who might have done this to her. She doesn't appear to be married, but figure out if she’s got a soulmate, anything you can.”

“Rollins.” The detective’s head snaps up. “You’re taking lead. If anything else comes up I want you two on it.” Benson nods at Amaro and Fin.

Benson stands up straight. Sonny doesn’t think he’ll ever be used to how determined her eyes can be. It makes him want to help this woman even more than he already does. SVU has a tendency to bring that out in people--a deep desire to help victims because, damn, Sonny has worked a lot of cases but he did not realize just how cruel people can be before he started working at SVU. If Sonny is not giving everything in a case, he is doing something deeply wrong. “If Prentiss doesn’t wake up, I want to know what happened to her. The moment she wakes up; I want someone with her. Everybody clear?”

Crystal, Sonny wants to say, but he nods instead. The group scatters and Rollins motions for him to follow her. It’s not a new assignment. The longer Sonny has been at the squad the more he and Rollins have been partnered together. Rollins’s eyes are focused forward and Sonny just follows her lead. He does that a lot.

“Let’s start at the hospital. Track down the vic’s address and head there then. Sound good, Carisi.”

“Copy that.”

While Amaro and Fin head off to the bar, Sonny gets into the passenger seat of Rollins’s car. Rollins drives. This was a rule that Sonny learned very quickly and one the entire squad follows.

One of the first things Sonny learned about Rollins is that her timer has stopped and she’s not in a relationship. It wasn’t hard to find out--she doesn’t make any attempt to hide her arm. But she glares when anyone so much as looks it it and Sonny hasn’t dared ask her about it.

Asking, in any case, would almost certainly involve sharing his own particular soulmate story. And Sonny isn’t anywhere close to ready to tell anyone about his soulmate situation.

There are a lot of possibilities. Sonny doesn’t want to guess. What if something terrible happened? What if her soulmate died? Sonny doesn’t want to bring back terrible memories. So he leaves it alone, even though he’s dying to find out what happened.

Rollins and Sonny drive in mostly silence. Sonny’s lost in his own thoughts and he’s certain Rollins is lost in hers. The hospital tells Rollins and Sonny mercilessly little, except Prentiss’s address and the fact that she is, in fact, still alive.

“Isn’t there anything else you can tell us? About her condition, or anything?” Rollins smiles, sweetness and charm radiating off her that would fool Sonny if he didn’t know her. The nurse folds, almost immediately. 

“I’m sorry, detectives. Not a whole lot else. Single stab wound, but the knife was pulled out so she’s bled out a good amount. Other than the bruises on her arm, her wrist was twisted. She has a broken rib as well, from a bit ago it seems like.”

The nurse takes a deep breath. “She also has a soulmate. There’s not a lot else I can tell you, additionally. We’re not even certain that this is an SVU case, but, we saw the bruises, and she has had sexual activity, so we figured we should report it.”

Rollins nods, looking more disappointed than Sonny feels. It was more information than he was expecting. “Let us know if there’s any change in her condition. Thank you so much.”

Sonny follows Rollins out of the hospital. “Should we check out her apartment. I mean, it’s not too late, we might be able to see if anyone’s there or not?” Rollins stops and thinks for a second. “No, recon first.”

There’s very little Sonny Carisi doesn’t love about social media and what he loves the most is how easy it makes detective work. For instance, on the ride back to the station, Sonny finds out Prentiss has a boyfriend named Ryan Peyton, and that they’ve been together for over nine months at this point.

Fin and Amaro are back before Rollins and Sonny swing into the office. Fin looks over at them but Rollins cuts him off before he can ask what they found out first. “How was the bar?”

“Got nothin’. Not a witness except for the kids who found her in the street. Nobody remembers Prentiss or who she was with.”

Rollins narrows her eyes. “Well, Carisi and I got a bit more--”

Fin jerks his head over to Amaro. “Well, you can tell me but Amaro’s tapping out.”

Amaro smiles apologetically at them. “I promised Maria I’d pick up Zara from the doctor.” 

The squad isn’t generally lucky in love, but Amaro met his soulmate and they’d been together ever since. It’s the type of story Sonny admired to deeply as a child. Rollins keeps her head down while Amaro leaves. Sonny glances quickly away from her. Rollins is completely expressionless, and Sonny’s pretty certain she wouldn’t have been if he looked a second earlier.

Sonny’s got a theory; it’s not a theory he likes much because it’s one that would hurt a lot, but he’s got a theory on who her soulmate is. For Rollins’s sake, he hopes to God he’s wrong. If he’s right, by all things merciful, he hopes Amaro doesn’t know.

Sonny resolves to bring Rollins coffee tomorrow. They got a lot in common, the two of them. They should be better friends.

Sonny settles in to stalk Prentiss’s Facebook while Rollins explains to Fin what they learned. It is exactly seven o’clock in the evening when Sonny’s phone rings.

Sonny answers the phone without looking at who’s calling. “You got Carisi.”

“Sonny? You busy?”

“...Bella?” 

Sonny loves his family. He loves them deeply. He would do anything for them, but, if he’s being completely honest with himself, he’s been avoiding them. He hasn’t been dodging calls or anything, but Sonny was always the one to reach out and lately he’s stopped. He kind of feels like they are avoiding him too, especially since she texted, freaking texted, him that she was pregnant.

At least Sonny has a good reason. Between meeting Barba and everything at SVU, life seemed to fundamentally overwhelming and he didn’t want to bug his sisters with that. And he didn’t want to tell his family that he met his soulmate, not without somebody by his side. He doesn’t want them to think he’s pathetic. 

So, Sonny hasn’t talked to Bella in a few weeks. He’s a little surprised that she’s calling.

“Sonny, I really gotta talk to you.”

The hairs on his arms stand straight up. Oh God, what. “Bella, what’s wrong. What’s happening.”

“Sonny. I think something’s wrong with Tommy. I don’t know who else to talk to about this. But something is seriously wrong. Nobody else is taking me seriously, but I know there is. I really need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a Parole Violations remix y'all.


	3. Parole Violations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny learns what he doesn't want to know.

Tommy was raped.

Sonny and Bella sit across from him, just a few inches apart from each other. Tommy tells them in stuttered, stopped sentences, stringing together words like they’re forced physically out of his chest. Sonny has done this dozens of times--encouraged victims to describe the most traumatizing moments of their lives, but it’d never been like this. Tommy had been so reluctant to start, and Sonny didn’t even know he was here about a rape at first. It made the journey of the conversation different, even if the end was horrifyingly similar. 

He slips into interrogation mode, prompting Tommy when he falters, never leading, listening with rapt attention. Sonny’s never thought he’d have to do this to someone he knew. Someone who’s all but family.

Bella’s never done this before period. Bella’s never had to sit across from someone attempting to explain anything so degrading, never had to visit a crime scene or talk a victim through a testimony. She teaches kindergarten, which has attuned her to the signs of abuse as they present in a child, but not something like this.

Bella is all but shaking.

Tommy hasn’t made eye contact with either of them since he started to tell them what happened. He’s stared at some far off point in the room like it’d give him neutral ground. It’s not a long story, it never is, but he needs to give every detail. “And then I called Rick, from work, to pick me up. And I came home.” He finally turns his eyes to one of them, landing on Bella. “I’m sorry I made you worry back there, Bells.”

Bella shakes her head, minutely, making a silent, uh-ah noise under her breathe which Sonny chose to interpret as “you’ve got nothing to be sorry for” rather than “I reject everything your saying.” Tommy seemed to take the latter, leaning back in his chair. Everyone is silent for a few moments. The air seems to freeze. 

“I can arrest her.”

“What?” It’s Bella that speaks. Tommy doesn’t seem capable of it at the moment.

“Well, maybe not me.” Sonny mutters, almost to himself. “Might be a conflict of interest. But, we can arrest her. She can go to jail. She wouldn’t have to be your parole officer, anymore, Tommy. You don’t gotta worry, I’ll handle it. I’ll call my team.”

Sonny stands, desperate for some kind of action. But Tommy’s shaking his head. “It’s been weeks. Look, if I wanted to say anything, I would have already. Sonny, don’t--”

“I can get my partner over here right--”

“I said no.” Tommy’s still staring off in the distance, hands clenched in his lap, before turning to Bella. “Look, I don’t want to report it; it’ll only screw up my parole. Nobody’s going to believe me anyway. I can’t handle that. I just wanted you to get what was going on, Bells. That’s all. Cuz you were worried.”

Sonny opens his mouth and closes it again. The words retraumatizing victims float in his head, in Benson’s voice.

“Bella, I love you, but I need to go--”

“Tommy?”

“I gotta go take a walk. Just give me a minute. I just need a minute.” And Tommy stands up and heads outside, closing the door softly behind him. Sonny wouldn’t dare think of stopping him and Bella seems to realize that’s not really an option either the second that he’s out of the door.

Bella stands, looking incredibly dizzy. Sonny takes her arm. “C’mon. Kitchen. Coffee.”

Bella lets herself be lead, but jerks her arm out of Sonny’s grasp when they reach the dining room. “You--I only called you over cuz I couldn’t think of anybody else. Cuz Gina’s got her kid tonight and Terri’s got a date and Ma and Dad never got around to liking Tommy so I called you. Course I called you and this is what happened.” 

Sonny set the coffee down in the table in front of her. He was just about to suggest she might want to sit down when whatever composure Bella had left broke and she started sobbing, standing right in the middle of her living room, face red and blotchy, fists clenched at her side.

Sonny swept Bella up into a hug and he could feel her shaking her head against him. “He’s lying. He’s lying, right Sonny?” Her voice was muffled and shaky, face buried in his shoulder, still crying like he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Bella cry before. Bella was sunshine, he thought absently, and wondered where it came from. “That sort of thing didn’t really happen to him, did it? He just cheated on me and doesn’t want to admit it. That’s what’s going on, right?”

Bella’s never gotten sad when someone has genuinely wronged her; she summons up some righteous fury from a place Sonny knows he sometimes goes around and makes them sorry for hurting her. Which meant if Bella believed that for even a second, she wouldn’t even be here. 

Sonny gripped her tighter and Bella pulled her head out of Sonny’s shoulder to look him in the face. He’s done this a million times; why can’t he get it right when it counts? “I’m so sorry, Bella.”

Bella makes a jerky, broken noise and pulls away from Sonny, finally sitting down, tears finally seeming to end. Sonny speaks in a low tone, because it’s the type of tone he always uses when talking to victim’s families. “You gotta be there for him, Bella. It can’t be like this. He’s gone through hell and he’s your soulmate.”

Bella nods and looks confused for a second. “How’d this--how’d that even happen? That sort of stuff, it doesn’t happen to guys, does it?”

Sonny hadn’t had a case before when it had. But he hadn’t been at SVU long and he knew the answer to this. “Yeah, it’s possible. This sort of stuff happens.”

Bella nods, staring off into the distance before grabbing Sonny’s hand from across the table. “I don’t care what Tommy says. That lady’s evil. I’ll talk to Tommy, but something’s got to happen with her. You can do that, right?”

Sonny’s always had trouble saying no to his sisters, especially his youngest one. But he doesn’t know how to say yes to this. What can he guarantee? He’s seen rape cases crash and burn; that poor college girl in the adult films and the woman who was assaulted by her soulmate. Too many more that he heard about from Rollins and Fin. And what can he do with the situation where it is now? With Tommy not wanting to report?

But Bella’s eyes are full of fire and an “I don’t know” won’t work now. Not when Tommy needs them both so much. “I’ll do whatever I can, Bella. I promise--I’ll try my best.”

Bella nods, still somewhere far away. “I’m going to find Tommy. You can stay here tonight; I know it’s late.”

Sonny shakes his head and Bella takes off, muttering something that sounded like “Tommy needs me” under her breathe.

Sonny can’t sleep. There’s no chance he can sleep tonight. So he does what he always does when he isn’t certain what to do: he goes to church. When Sonny was little, he used to stare up at the rafters of his church and imagine he’d float up to the top of the ceiling and climb on them. Imagine the angels painted on the very top of the church would detach themselves from the pictures that confined them and fly.

Sonny doesn’t go to that church anymore and he doesn’t dream in Mass anymore. Now, he prays. Tonight he prays for Tommy, prays for Bella. Prays that he can do something, anything, about Donna Marshall, until his prayers aren’t coherent anymore and he’s just repeating in his head glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be until the words fuze together and become meaningless, turning into babble in his head.

Tommy is all but his family. Tommy is his family. Sonny prays that he’ll be able to help him.

Then he goes to the station early, early in the morning, like he’s pulling an all-nighter on a case and not planning to sleep at his desk at two in the morning.

Rollins comes in first and Sonny jerks awake. Hopefully before she could tell he was asleep. Sonny looks at the clock. 5:45. “Wow, Carisi, you look like crap. You sleep here?” 

Mocking disguised as cheer means Rollins is in a bad mood. Well, so is Sonny, so he doesn’t return her words with anything more than a scowl. She gets a more somber expression with the look on Sonny’s face. “Look alive, Carisi. Vic’s awake.”

Rollins and Sonny wait for a minute, on account of the fact that most people don’t like to be bothered before nine, mostly to try and figure out how they’re going to approach the situation. Sarah Prentiss has said very little to the nurses about her assault or injuries and Rollins figures she’s not going to be itching to talk to them either. Especially after Amaro comes in with security footage at about eight. With the boyfriend, Ryan Peyton, leaving the bar right after Prentiss. He’d been sitting in a booth behind her.

“I’ll take lead,” she says, as Sonny nods absently. Rollins has a theory, one that mostly boils down to the boyfriend’s shaky alibi and the fact that Prentiss has a soulmate.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” she explains to him as they get into the car. “Girl has a boyfriend, tries to break up with him when she meets her soulmate, he ends up assaulting her.” Rollins has in fact had three separate cases with that exact description, and one of them ended with the victim’s death.

Still, preliminary impressions often end up differently than what happened in the case itself. Sonny’s learned that while working in SVU. Which is why he’s much more interested in what Prentiss has to say when they reach the hospital. 

Sarah Prentiss’s hair is dark, stringy, and very long. It’s by far her most defining physical feature. She looks up when Sonny and Rollins walk in, expression concerned for a moment before cooling into neutrality. She tilts her head to the side, voice coming out higher than Sonny had anticipated. “You’re the detectives, right? The nurses told me you’d be coming.” She bites her lip, straightening up a bit. “You shouldn’t have bothered though. Like I told the nurses, I wasn’t raped.”

Rollins approaches, arms out in mock surrender. “Okay. I’m glad to hear that. Let’s take this a step at a time though. I’m Detective Rollins, this is Detective Carisi, and we’re here from SVU. Your name is Sarah, right?”

She nods. “Sarah Prentiss. Hi.” Sonny has been attempting to get to know Sarah Prentiss pretty well the past two days, based solely on her online presence, and he hasn’t got very far. She’s been in Human Resources at Ameriprise Financial for seven years and she’s been with Ryan Peyton for about four months and Sonny’s still a bit uncertain how they met. Her family lives in Iowa and she seems very distant from them emotionally and almost all her friends are work friends.

“Could you tell us what happened, Ms. Prentiss?” Sonny’s voice comes out a little more hoarse than intended and Rollins shoots him an angry look that Prentiss seems to miss. She nods, then shakes her head.

Rollins goes to sit by her bedside as Prentiss starts to talk. “I really don’t know what to tell you. I was sitting at the bar most of the night. It’d had kinda a rough day at work so I wanted to drink for a little bit but the guy who was sitting next to me was being kind of annoying so I was going to leave. So I left and I was stabbed.”

Rollins leans forward, just a bit, like she does when she wants to prompt someone to go on. “Do you remember the face of the person who stabbed you? What he looked like, or anything? Did you know him.”

Prentiss shakes her head. “I don’t know. I really don’t know. It might have been that guy at the bar, but I’m not sure.”

She’s lying. Sonny’s certain of it. She knows whoever stabbed and she doesn’t want to say. Sonny feels a sudden burst of frustration for people don’t want to stand up for themselves, before burying that feeling under a mountain of shame. It’s more complicated than that, he reminds himself, almost constantly.

Rollins withdraws a bit, her comforting face dimming just slightly, and he’s certain Prentiss can feel the disappointment. Prentiss looks to the side, almost desperate. “Look, I’m sorry, detectives. Do you know where Ryan is? I thought for sure he’d be here.”

Rollins lies smoothly. Sonny wishes he were anywhere near her level. “I’m sorry, you haven’t entirely been cleared for visitors yet. So he won’t be able to come for a little bit.” Any case where domestic violence is suspected, it’s advisable to keep the partner away from the victim. Benson asked the nurses, very kindly, not to clear Prentiss for visitors just yet.

Prentiss shakes her head. “You don’t get it. We’re soulmates. I gotta--we got into a fight. I really need to talk to him.”

Rollins says, “You got into a fight?” before Sonny manages to say, “You’re soulmates?” 

Prentiss pales.

“Not--before I went to the bar.” Rollins gives a comforting smile to that.

“I thought you went to the bar after work.” Rollins says kindly. 

Prentiss blanches. “Look, detectives. I’m a little tired now. Could we talk a little later?”

Sonny nods agreeably and Rollins gives Prentiss her card. “Would you be alright with us stopping by tomorrow?” Prentiss nods, a little reluctantly and Rollins gives her the charming smile that’s won over a number of victims and perps alike.

The drive back is very quiet. “Her soulmate, huh?” Sonny’s not able to keep the disgust out of his voice. How could someone that’s supposed to--that’s supposed to be--how could the one person that’s supposed to be yours, for the rest of your life, ever do something like that? Twist your arm till there were bruises and stab you. It’s revolting. It goes against everything natural and good in the world. Sonny wants to smash Ryan Peyton’s face in already and he hasn’t even talked to the guy.

Rollins nods back. “Her soulmate.”

Sonny feels like he’s dreaming. Tommy’s circumstances have left him numb and miserable and Prentiss’s case has kept him furious. He’s barely able to focus for the rest of the day, going through the everything in a daze.

He hopes Bella calls. He hopes Tommy has changed his mind and decided he wants to report. He wonders if he’d be betraying his family if he took the case to the team without permission. He wonders if he’d be betraying the basic nature of his job if he didn’t.

Tommy told him not to bring the case up to his team, but Sonny desperately needs advice. “Fin, I got a question.”

Fin barely looks up from his work. “What’s up?”

“What if a vic doesn’t want to file a report? What do you do?” Fin raises his eyebrows and Carisi waves it away. “I don’t mean legally. I mean, like, morally. Like, should you try and convince them to do it anyway? Or...something else. What would you do?”

Fin leans back in his chair, looking a little curious. “This about the Prentiss case?” Sonny gives a shrug that probably looks like conformation from an outside perspective, which is technically not lying.

Fin looks more thoughtful than usual. Like Sonny actually made him think which Sonny can’t help but feel a little proud of. “Been doing this for a long time, Carisi. No way to make somebody do what they can’t do. If she says she can’t report--can’t testify, you can make all the promises in the world but it’s never gonna make her do it. Even if it’d be better for them. Everyone’s gonna do what they gotta do.”

Carisi sits frozen to his chair.

Fin stands up. “Try first, though, Carisi.” Fin heads toward the door. Sonny thinks for a second he’s going to pat his shoulder, but Fin just nods at him as he heads out for the night.

And so Sonny’s alone, except for Benson, still holed up in her office. He thinks about calling Bella. He thinks about pulling every favor he can to get all the information on Donna Marshall that he can. He’s so distracted that, for the first time in his life, he doesn’t notice Rafael Barba.

“Working late, Detective.” Sonny jolts upright to meet a very familiar smirk, that seems to fade when Barba sees his expression. How pathetic does Sonny look if both Barba and Rollins are getting like that with him?

“Hey, Counselor.” Sonny tries for something approaching his normal level of cheer and falls short by about four octaves. “What are you doing here?”

Barba shrugs. “I’ve got something to discuss with Liv. But that can wait. What are you doing here, Carisi? I hear you all have a new case.”

Sonny nods, absently. “Yeah. Sarah Prentiss. Rollins and I are pretty sure she was being abused by her soulmate, of all the fucked up things in the world.” Sonny pauses for a second. “If you’ll pardon my French, Counselor.”

Barba seems to tense up for a second — and that’s a little interesting — before settling back in, almost leaning against Sonny’s desk. “Well, let me know when you’ve got someone to arraign. I can trust you, with all your vast legal knowledge, to pull something together that I can take to court.”

Sonny doesn’t know why all his coworkers seem to think mocking him is the best way to deal with him being in a bad mood. He snorts. “I’ll try my best, Counselor.” He pauses, and wonders if he’ll get a different answer asking this question to Barba.

“What would you do if someone didn’t want to report an assault?”

Barba tenses up, almost immediately. “Wasn’t she stabbed? Does she not want to go to trial?”

Sonny shakes his head, then considers. “No, no, well, I don’t know about Prentiss. We’re still working with her but I think she does want to report it eventually.” Sonny remembers the pleading look Prentiss gave Rollins. “But I’m talking about something else.”

Barba has this soft, concerned look on his face. He’s leaning against Sonny’s desk, looking at him in a way that he’s not certain he’s seen before. Sonny has had a series of memorable and interesting fantasies about Barba, but this might be the most pathetic. Sonny wants Barba to hold his hand. In Sonny’s defense, he’s pretty tired. “What’s going on, Carisi?”

Sonny opens his mouth, inhales a breath of air. Barba’s not a cop. And if you can’t trust your soulmate, who can you trust. He silently prays for Tommy’s forgiveness.

“My brother-in-law, well my almost brother-in-law was assaulted. And he doesn’t want to report it. I don’t know what to do.”


	4. All Love is Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny learns what he really doesn't want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all my thanks to tobeconspicous, without whom this would not be happening.

Barba fires question after question, “who did it” “how did it happen,” “when,” “who else knows about this,” till Sonny’s head is spinning and he’s slightly more confused on what happened than he was previously. He has to hold up his hands to make Barba just stop for a second. Barba pulls up a chair and sits across for Sonny, listening closing and clearly having forgotten that he was actually here to see Benson, until Sonny’s finished relating what Tommy told him to Barba.

Sonny goes home, having promised to try again to get Tommy to report (“I really think Bella’s more likely to have luck with that than me, Counsellor,” to which Barba nodded uncertainly) and a promise from Barba to look into both their legal options and Donna Marshall. Sonny gets home dead tired and determined to get something resembling sleep.

When Sonny gets to the precinct, Prentiss of all people is there. She’s sitting in a chair straight across from Amaro, hands folded in her lap, hair still as long and stringy as Sonny saw it in the hospital. They’re in the interrogation room and Amaro is standing right across from her. Sonny wants to put a hand on Prentiss’s shoulder or something, but he’s on the other side of the glass and he can already tell Amaro’s got no intention of doing anything like that. 

“I don’t know why he’d do this.” Tears are streaming down Prentiss’s face and Sonny can’t see what Amaro looks like from where he’s standing. Prentiss is wearing a green dress that’s just like Gina’s favorite. “He’s my--he’s my soulmate. I don’t know why he’d do this.” Sonny’s head hurts terribly. His entire body feels hot and sticky.

“Soulmates aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” Sonny didn’t even notice Rollins come in. He turns around to find her standing straight behind him,

Rollins’s face pinches and turns red. She’s ashamed, Sonny suddenly realizes, like he didn’t know that before. Sonny finds himself in the sudden need to say something, anything, to comfort her. To somehow make this situation more bearable and what comes out is the last thing that he wanted anyone to know. “My soulmate is Barba.”

He hopes she’s happy to know someone’s in a similar boat to her. Even if that someone is him. Rollins stares, seriously, before suddenly bursting out laughing. “Hey! Yeah. I’m sure that’s going to work out real well for you.” Rollins has a higher laugh than Sonny had been expecting and she’s bent over, giggling to herself. “That’s so...seriously Carisi! How pathetic is that!” He takes a step back.

Rollins is grinning when she looks up at him and he doesn’t like it at all and he likes it even less now that she’s Bella and Bella’s crying. “Hey, Sonny. Why don’t you try thinkin’ bout someone else for a change. Don’t you see how bad things are here. Sonny?” The precinct is filling with water up to Sonny’s ankle, up to his knees, drowning out everything else except for Bella, right in front of him.

She looks up at him, looking for some kind of explanation and Sonny doesn’t know what to tell her; doesn’t know what to say. His head aches and his entire body feels like he’s on fire, burning as he twists and he wants to kick--“I don’t--Bells--I didn’t--I don’t know how to--”

It’s five forty-five when Sonny shoots up out of bed and really wishes that he would stop dreaming about work. He stumbles around to swipe off the alarm on his phone. He stares down at it, pressing buttons absently, thumbs over his contacts, lingering first over Barba, Rafael, and then over Bella. She should be up by now.

Sonny sends Bella a quick, “Let me know if you want to talk,” resisting the urge to put a smiley face after it like he normally would, before heading off to work. He gets a faster response than usual.

“Later.” Sonny can do later. Bella can take all the time that she needs. And, hopefully when that time is up, Tommy will be ready to talk as well.

While Sonny is still staring down at his phone, wondering if he should respond to that (would it be weird to say I love you? That might be a little weird.) he gets another text. From Barba of all people.

“Come to my office after you get off today, Detective.”

Sonny’s typing before he can even think. “Sure thing, counsellor :)” He stares down at the message before he realizes that he’s trying to over-examine a three word affirmation to a pretty professional invitation, deleting the smiley face, and clicks off his phone in irritation. He stares straight ahead while driving to work. Sonny doesn’t remember his dreams very well, most of the time, but he doubts that he’s going to be forgetting the one that he had last night anytime soon.

Sonny’s in such a daze of Bella and Barba that he nearly jumps when Rollins comes up behind him as he walks into the precinct. “Prentiss still isn’t talking.”

“Well, she’s talkin’.” Fin follows from behind her. “Rollins just isn’t liking what she’s saying.”

“And what’s that?” Amaro stands up and Rollins’s eyes flicker down. Sonny remembers his dream with hot embarrassment. Sonny doesn’t know why the universe has given Rollins a soulmate she couldn’t have. He wonders if it’s given him the same.

He shakes that from his mind. He needs to keep his mind on the case.

Fin shrugs. “Says she doesn’t remember. That is could have been anyone.” Fin finally takes a seat at his desk. “Not sure she’s planning on changing that story anytime soon.”

Amaro clicks a pen in his hand a few times, looking thoughtful. “Maybe it was just anyone. We don’t really have anything on the soulmate except that he was at the bar the same night as her. Or maybe she really doesn’t remember. Doesn’t know.”

“She knows.” Sonny’s certain about that. “He did it and she knows.” He remembers the hesitant, faltering way Prentiss approached Rollins’s questions the other day. “She knows who did this to her and it was Peyton.” He’s never been more certain of a case in his whole life.

Rollins nods, vigorously and bites down on her lip. “I wish she would just tell us. And we really need to talk to Peyton. Yesterday preferably.”

Fin leans back. “Boyfriend’s still dodging calls.” He looks over at Amaro. “Want to bring him in?”

Amaro grins. “Gladly.”

Ryan Peyton is a much smaller man than Sonny had imagined him. He’s short and has very bright eyes and Sonny can kind of see what Prentiss would see in him even if they weren’t soulmates before quickly smothering that thought. He leans back on the other side of the interrogation room, Amaro at his back, a considerably more imposing force.

Good cop, bad cop might be a cliche, but it’s certainly not ineffective. 

Peyton has been sufficiently appeased by the basic perp calming techniques that Sonny’s finally gotten him to actually start talking. Peyton seemed to take his assurance that he’s not going to be arrested even better than the fact that Prentiss is going to make a full recovery. 

“What...what actually happened to her?” Peyton is looking around and Sonny absently thinks what he says is a lie. Peyton knows exactly what happened to her. Even if Sonny didn’t know before, the shift in his eyes would give him away in a second.

“She was stabbed.” Amaro and Sonny have a pretty basic plan. Sonny would cosy up to the perp and Amaro would give him all the awful information in short little bursts. “And we suspect she might have been sexually assaulted.”

“Sexually...assaulted.” Peyton makes a distressed face. “That’s not--that isn’t.” I didn’t assault her. I’d never do that, Sonny supplies in his head. All he really has to do is make Peyton say that out loud.

Sonny leans forward, sympathy filling his every move, empathy radiating out of his voice. Sonny’s got no problem lying to liars; he never has. “It’s awful; it’s so awful I know. And I promise, as soon as she’s cleared for visitors, you’ll get to see her. But right now we need to find out what, exactly, happened. And who did this to her.”

Peyton is completely silent, staring at the table in front of him. Sonny’s got to push harder.

“You two are soulmates, right?”

Peyton nods, frantically. “Yeah. We met by accident. At a bar, actually. She was--” Peyton swallows. “She’s so perfect. I couldn’t believe someone like her was really my soulmate.”

Sonny remembers Tommy saying almost the exact same thing, talking about Bella, and his stomach rolls unpleasantly. But there’s something different here. The way Peyton says “my soulmate”, like he owns her. Or maybe that’s just Sonny’s imagination. Monsters aren’t easy to spot.

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.” Sonny’s got to win this guy over. If Prentiss isn’t going to say anything, they have to squeeze it out of Peyton. “I can’t imagine if something like this happened to my soulmate.”

Peyton sits up a little straighter, looking curious. “Your...soulmate.”

Sonny nods, straightening to mirror Peyton just a bit farther. He rolls up his sleeve carefully, holding his arm to let Peyton inspect. He can almost feel Amaro tensing behind him. “Yeah. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if something happened to her. So I can’t really imagine how helpless you’ve gotta be feelin’ right now.” Sonny winces, all dimples and innocence, looking straight at Peyton who seems to deflate at the attention. 

Sonny shifts slightly. Intense isn’t going to work on this guy. He speaks quietly. “That’s why you’ve got to help us out. We really need to figure out what happened to your soulmate. You really need to let us know anything you know. So we can help her.”

Peyton’s discomfort is so visibly clear that Sonny’s expecting him to start actually sweating. “I really wish I could help you! But I don’t know anything. I’m sorry, I was at home. I don’t know anything.”

Well, it’s good to know at least that the perp is a total idiot. Sonny hesitates for a moment, wondering if Amaro wants to jump in, but he seems totally willing to let Sonny do the talking and glare from the sidelines, so Sonny persists. “That’s, well that’s really bad, Peyton. Are you sure that there’s nothing you can tell us?”

“No! Nothing.”

“And are you sure that you were at home that night?” Nick Amaro finally decides to jump in and thank goodness too. If Sonny took the next part, he’d end up looking like the bad guy.

Peyton doesn’t respond, staring at the table in front of him.  
“Because we have video footage of you at the same bar as your soulmate that night. We’ve even got footage of you leaving right after her.”

Still, silence from the other side of the table.

Sonny tries to salvage the situation. “Ryan.” He looks up at the sound of his first name. “We really need to tell us anything that you know. We need to find out what happened to Prentiss. And we can’t do that if you don’t tell the truth.” Sonny’s voice is soft and pleading right now. “You’ve got to tell us what happened that night.”

“I would never hurt her.” His eyes are wide and pleading. Don’t be fooled, Sonny thinks, and continues. 

“I know you wouldn’t. Just like I wouldn’t hurt my soulmate. But I need to know what happened to her.” Peyton holds eye contact with Sonny for just a moment before flicking his eyes back to Amaro and then back down to his hands.

“I’m free to go anytime, right?” Sonny leans back, disappointment radiating off of him which Peyton seems to flinch at.

“Yeah, of course.” As Peyton stands up, Amaro nearly blocks his way. “We might end up calling you,” Sonny continues and gestures for Amaro to move out of the way with Peyton’s back turned. “But you’re more than free to leave.”

Amaro and Sonny follow Peyton out of the room and watch as he bolts toward the door. Benson comes out of the viewer side of the interrogation room, biting her cheek. Amaro turns toward her. “Well?”

Benson’s looking somewhere far off. “After today, Fin and Rollins keep on Prentiss. Amaro and Carisi keep on Peyton. One of them is going to crack.”

Sonny wanders into Barba’s office at seven p.m. on the dot, considerably earlier than he was expecting to enter. Barba sits behind his desk, as imposing as ever. Barba takes a second, looks at him, his eyebrows raise just slightly and he starts, “Detective--” and then stops himself. Sonny follows Barba’s eyes and feels a sharp pang at forgetting to roll his sleeves back up. Then he wonders if Barba thinks his staring is subtle. 

“Yeah.” He says, staring down at his wrist. “Yeah, I’ve met my soulmate.”

Sonny drops down, flicking his eyes over Barba’s desk. Barba’s sets a stack of paperwork in front of the other side of his desk, right where Sonny is going to sit, but Sonny can’t really stop staring at Barba. Barba’s expression is carefully neutral and it’s making Sonny nervous. “Is that so. I wasn’t aware you were in a relationship.” The “because I figured you’d talk about it all the time,” was implied, but not stated. “I’ll have to meet them sometime, Detective. Your soulmate.”

Sonny can’t really meet Barba’s eyes. Since when was Barba this inquisitive about his life anyway? “I’m not--I’m not in a relationship.”

Sonny looks up. Barba’s eyebrows are raised. “Oh?”

Well, if Barba’s so interested. There’s no reason not to tell him. Not when he’s looking at him like--like he might actually give a shit. “He’s not--” he’s never been this uncertain about what he’s saying before in his life why did he have to have that conversation with Rollins why did it have to be Barba asking him about this. “We’re not together.”

Sonny doesn’t know what Barba took that to mean in his head. He’s mostly glad Barba didn’t have any visible reaction to his pronoun use. “He’s not” could mean so many things. I’m not his soulmate. He’s not a good person. He doesn’t love me. There were endless possibilities on what Sonny’s implying and he can’t be certain which one Barba is going to assume and he can’t ever tell Barba that he’s Sonny’s soulmate. Not without knowing he’s Barba’s. He can’t take that kind of rejection. Sonny used to think he was brave.

Sonny must look very distressed because Barba cuts into his thoughts. “Detective,” he pauses for a second, not the way Sonny would, searching for words, but like he’s trying build for effect. That’s the kind of effort Barba usually reserves for court. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Sonny thinks Barba changed his mind on what he was going to say midway through. Sonny’s seen it before, Barba calculating in the middle of court. Trying to figure out which set of phrases will get the best reaction from the jury. Doesn’t Sonny rank high. Barba’s trying to get a good reaction out of him.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to know anything Barba. It’s just kinda hard to talk about, you know.” Sonny resists the urge to run his hand back through his head and instead makes a short, jerky motion. This is the most personal conversation he and Barba have ever had and he needs to make it up. “This happened a while ago, anyway. I really--well what I need to do is get over it.”

Barba is staring at him, looking very intense in the dark light of the room. “Maybe you could. Maybe you should.”

Barba’s taken off his jacket when he got into the room. Sonny can feel the tension radiating off of him and his surroundings are suddenly completely out of focus. There’s an entire desk between them but Barba feels like he’s an inch away. Sonny has to ruin this moment. “Um,” he says.

Barba is looking down now, so clearly frustrated just for a moment and Sonny’s mind has completely short circuited because all he’s thinking is what. What. What. Barba leans back face back to a normal Barba smirk. “In any case, that’s not what I came to talk to you about Carisi.” He motions at the paperwork on the desk. “Donna Marshall.”

And with that, Barba rolls up his sleeves as well, clearly casually, like it’s something that he does all the time when he’s working and like Sonny has definitely seen his soulmate mark before and hasn’t been subtly staring at his arm for months now like he’s suddenly about to develop x-ray vision and see through fabric.

If Barba’s feeling guilty for prying and thinks he’s got to offer some reciprocation, Sonny’s not going to complain. On Barba’s arm, right where his soulmate clock would normally be, if a tight black band covering his entire wrist.

Oh. God.

Sonny feels terrible about taking the Lord’s name in vain even in his head, but this situation requires it.

“Given the general lack of progress on the Prentiss situation--”

When Sonny was little, his older sister begged for a band. Some boy at school had been teasing her and, apparently, that was the final straw in a long line of insecurities.

“And my current lack of other cases, I’ve had enough time to look into your brother-in-law’s situation.”

Theresa basically begged for something, anything that could hide the fact that there was nothing on her wrist. Watches and bracelets weren’t big enough and, eventually, Ma gave in and brought her a large green band. It didn’t stop much of anything, but Theresa liked it enough she wore it every day.

“So I had a friend of mine do a little research.”

There’s nothing on Barba’s skin. Barba doesn’t have a soul mark; Sonny’s certain of that now.

Barba doesn’t have a soulmate.

“Carisi.” Barba’s voice is sharp and Sonny lifts his eyes to meet Barba’s. “Do you want to know about Donna Marshall, or?”

Sonny takes a deep breath and sets his face into a determined line. Don’t be selfish, Sonny. He nods. “What have you got?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahahaha


	5. Notes on a Preliminary Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny summarizes and formulates something resembling a plan. (For justice. Or protection. Or revenge. Whatever works.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days late and completely unbetaed. This weekend has been very very busy, and I apologize for the delay.

“Donna Marshall,” Barba begins as Sonny starts frantically searching for a legal pad, knowing Barba wasn’t about to slow down for notes. Barba flips open a file and places it right in front of Sonny. He stares down at the woman he’d not even been able to look up yet, and lets out a deep sigh of frustration. “She looks harmless.”

Barba’s expression darkens. “A lot of people do.” Then he nods, sharply. “But you’re right. That’ll matter, if it goes to trial.”

Sonny starts furiously scribbling notes. He looks down at what he's written. 

_Plan A:_

_Preferred plan--ideal plan:_

_Is there an ideal plan?_

“Donna Marshall. Age forty-nine, been a parole office for over twenty years, divorced five years ago. Very dedicated to her job it seems.” Barba pauses, considering. “Though that’s all pretty easy to find out. Less easy to find out.” He pulls out a piece of paper. “Is her record. Technically, she’s completely clear. She’s never been sued or charged and has not citations on her record. But,” Barba continues and Sonny is bizarrely reminded of the way that Rollins winds up before she reveals some interesting information to Liv, “she has a lot of complaints that never seem to have made it into her record. Most of them have been regarding things she said. Degrading comments toward drug users mostly. But in the past few years, several of her parolees have made multiple attempts to change parole officers, without explanation as to why, including your brother-in-law. Supervisor’s name is Kessel and he’s denied every attempt for them to leave.”

Sonny’s head shoots up. “Before a few weeks ago? Tommy tried to change before then?”

Barba nods, his fingers drumming on the table. Sonny looks down at the information in front of him. “Did he have bad vibes? Or has she done something like this before.” Sonny says, more to himself than to Barba, but Barba seems to pick it up anyway.

Barba looks uncomfortable and starts drumming his fingers against his desk. “I’d think that if she’d done this before, he would have reported that to you with the rest of what he told you.” Sonny’s stomach settled and he sends Barba a tight smile.

“So complaints? Just have to find those parolees.”

“As always, so far ahead of you, Detective.” Barba produces a piece of paper with a flourish and a smirk.

Sonny’s first thought is that was a considerably less subtle insult than he’s used to with Barba. His second thought it: “Barba, where did you even get all this information?” Barba raises his eyebrows and Sonny decides not to set his heart on getting an answer, instead turning his attention back on his notes.

_ Report assault to the police? _

_A. Tommy will have to report and testify_

  1. _Good luck_
  2. _Haven’t even heard from Bella about the whole thing_
  3. _Don’t even know if he’d be willing to pursue if willing to testify_



 

Law School has made Sonny’s notes look like bullet points, main sections followed by sub-points followed by complications of the original points whenever he thinks of them. Sonny knows this makes him look like a high school student, but there’s no better way to get his thoughts on a page. He goes from an idea to immediately questioning the idea, trying to poke holes in wherever he's started. 

Amaro yelled at him one day, when they were arguing over a case. Said he should join the defense if all he ever does is blame the victim, questioning that woman’s story. Sonny just knows how fast trials can go downhill if anything is wrong. He’s got to think about every possible way someone could look at a situation. He needs to understand every point of view. And with this, he needs to understand Tommy’s. And Donna Marshall’s. He thinks he understands Donna Marshall. It's pretty easy to hurt somebody if you're thinking about them as less than you.

“Do we have any actual, physical evidence?” Barba looks pained to be asking this. Sonny mentally runs through his entire conversation with Tommy. “He didn’t wash his clothes. Said he couldn't.” Sonny winces while Babra nods distractedly. 

“So we could prove sexual contact at the very least.”

“Which is a long way from rape.”

“Still an abuse of power.”

“If Tommy’s even willing to report.” Sonny winces and looks back at his paper. He’s not used to being the negative one, not between him and Barba at the very least.

_B. Arrest/Trial_

  1. _Laws about men who are raped=not great???_
  2. _POs will be pissed_
  3. _SVU won’t be able to investigate--conflict of interest. Can investigate if I’m off case? Talk to Benson?_
  4. _Need to actually get some evidence_
  5. _And find other victims. There must be some._



 

Sonny stares down at his paper, then stares down at the list of people who attempted to leave Donna Marshall’s clutches. Luiz Solis repeatedly in ‘11 and ‘12 until he was finally transferred. Christian Marcus and Keegan Hodges both in ‘13 multiple times. Andrew Michaels once in ‘14. All addicts, as far as Sonny can tell from their files. “How’s assuming at least some of these would be willing to talk to us?”

“Without an open investigation? I wouldn’t put money on it.”

Sonny snorts. “Like you gamble.” Barba doesn’t gamble in anywhere in court, Sonny’s certain of that.

“I have many surprising interests, Carisi.” Sonny’s eyes flick up, wide. “None of which will be outlined at this time.” Sonny maintains eye contact until Barba shifts and stands, touching his tie briefly, like Sonny’s noticed he does when he’s a bit nervous. It’s a short, affirming gesture that brings Sonny’s attention back to Barba’s arm and he looks away quickly, before he gets distracted by an entirely different subject. Sonny sighs.

“Tell me honestly Barba. Would you take this to trial?”

Barba considers for a second, leaning against his desk, on the edge next to Sonny. “Best case scenario? Where Tommy agrees to testify and we find other victims?” He nods. “Yes.”

Sonny’s trying not to get distracted by Barba so near him. He stares up at Barba thinking that it’s nice to do so. He’s usually looking down at him. “And outside of that?”

Barba sighs. “Male victim? A harmless looking predator? Reluctant victim?” He shakes his head. “That case--isn’t winnable. There’s just--” Barba leans into his desk until he’s sitting on it, legs dangling right next to where Sonny’s sitting. Sonny watches them, rather than seeing whatever expression Barba’s face has twisted into. Probably defeat. Sonny’s seen defeat on Barba and it’s not anything he’s equipped to handle. “There’s no chance to win. There’s no chance to even plea out. No jury in the world would believe it.”

Sonny knows that. He’s known that from the very beginning. No one’s going to look at Donna Marshall and see a predator and no one’s going to look at Tommy and see a victim. They’re going to see some guy who cheated on his soulmate and feels the type of guilt he should for that. They’re going to see a parole officer that made a mistake.

Barba looks like he’s going to say something. Maybe something comforting, though Sonny isn’t sure what Barba’s version of “comforting” is and he’s pretty certain he doesn’t want to find out. Maybe something about the limitations of the judicial system. Maybe he’s just going to change the subject. Whatever he was planning, Sonny preempts him. “So where do we go from here?”

Barba stares at him blankly and Sonny feels himself sink into his chair. “Whatever you need to do. If you want this to go to court, get me something. If you think there’s a case, go find it. You’re a detective, Detective. Do your job.”

It’s less simple than that though. He sits, silently, for just a moment more. Barba seems to be finished talking but he hasn’t moved an inch, sitting right by Sonny’s side. Sonny’s never been more greatful to anyone.

“And if there’s nothing?”

“Then find a way to get Tommy Sullivan through this.” And with that, Sonny knows he’s dismissed. 

He thanks Barba profusely while leaving, which Barba waves away, clearly embarrassed and attempting to cover it and Sonny can tell some sort of detached, snarky line is coming his way so he cuts Barba off first with sincerity. “No really Barba. Thank you.” And leaves the office before Barba can even respond. 

Sonny steps outside, the wind whipping his face feeling reflective of the rest of his life right now. He takes out his phone and texts Bella. “We need to talk. Seriously.”

“Tommy’s out, so you can’t talk to him. But go ahead and come over” Sonny’s trying interpret “Tommy’s out” as something other than “Tommy doesn’t want to talk to you right now, so he’s making himself scarce” and failing completely. He’s mostly glad that Bella seems open to actual communication.

It’s ten o’clock by the time Sonny gets to Bella’s and he wonders, absently, if she’ll let him stay on her couch. It’d be a bitch to get back home tonight. Bella looks considerably better than the last time Sonny saw her which was not a high bar to get over, given that the last time Sonny saw her she was sobbing most of the time. She’s solemn faced when she lets him in but pulls him into a tight hug the moment that he gets inside. She pulls away, pats his shoulders twice, and leans back against the wall. “You wanted to talk?”

The temperature in the room shifts to ice as Sonny tells Bella about Donna Marshall. About jury biases and trial preparations and the shear amount of investigation that would be required. “--I’m going to get in touch with all those guys in the morning. See if any of them are willing to talk to me. And I’ll have to talk to the Sergeant, but if I explain the situation and she lets me, maybe I’ll try and talk to some of Marshall’s other parolees.”

“That gonna help Sonny?”

He’s got no promises. “Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t be on this investigation, official, if their is an official investigation. And, the way things are now. There might not be.” Sonny pauses. Levels his voice. Keep it professional. “I’m a cop. And I’ve had an assault disclosed to me. I should inform my superior about the situation. But I’m not going to do that. Not unless Tommy wants me to.”

“Because you think if this went to trial,” Bella looks even more defeated than before. Sonny can’t believe he’s caused that look on his sister’s face. “Tommy would lose.”

Sonny nods. “Basically it.”

Bella steps off from against the wall. “That’s a really shitty thing to hear, Sonny. You come here just to say that?”

Bella deserves her venom. Sonny can handle that. “No. I also wanted to know if Tommy’s said anything.” Bella shakes her head. 

“He’s just been--pretending it never happened. He just acts like he never said anything and that everything’s totally fine. Every time I try and bring it up he gets all--” Bella grapples with word, whatever magical description of Tommy’s emotional state that she clearly wants to grasp onto eluding her completely. “He shuts down, kinda. He doesn’t stop talkin’ but he gets all quiet and tries and change the subject. Then you said you were comin’ and he just took off. It’s like it’ll totally go away if he lets it go.” Bella’s frustration seems to mount. “Would it? If I just left it and him all alone, would he just get better? All on his own?”

Sonny thinks on ever seminar on trauma he’s ever attended. Thinks of the victims he sees every day. “Most likely? No. At least not the way you mean.”

Bella’s falling apart and Sonny can’t seem to fix what’s gone wrong. “Then what can I do? How can I make this better--Ma always said when you got a soulmate everything’s--you’re supposed to help each other and protect each other and I can’t! I can’t protect him I can’t help him I can’t do anything for him! How am I supposed to love him right if I can’t even help him when he’s so hurt.” Sonny would love to hug Bella right now. But he wouldn’t dare.

Bella covers her eyes with her hand, rubbing. Sonny watches her softly, waiting for when she felt ready to talk. “You just don’t get it, Sonny. You can’t. And I can’t talk to Ma and Dad about it; not when they think so little of Tommy. And none of the rest of you could get it. He’s my soulmate.”

Sonny can see the exact trajectory of this conversation unfold in front of him, the derailment that any statement he could make would cause. He doesn’t want to bring any focus off of Tommy, not when they should be planning the best way to handle his case. But, Bella has got to understand. She’s got to know that he’s not just on her side, but that he understands, at least a bit. “I suppose I can’t understand totally.” He pauses, trying to figure out where to go, which thread to continue on, what to address first. “You’re right.”

“But, I’ve seen this so many times. What’s happened to Tommy, it’s horrible in every way, but it’s nothing new. He’s not alone in this. What happened to Tommy’s not anybody’s fault but the person who did it. And he’s hurting more from this than anybody else.” Sonny breathes in, preparing himself. Bella needs this. “And you’re right. I’ve never seen something happen like this to my soulmate. But, if it did, I know it would hurt as much as it does you. Especially,” he swallows. Moment of truth. This isn’t about you; it’s about Bella. “Since I’ve met him.”

Bella stares at him, shock radiating off her like sparks. “What? How--how long--your soulmate?”

Sonny nods. “I met him. My first day of work. He’s the one who’s been helping me with this. His name is Barba. Rafael Barba.”

“And you didn’t tell me? Why--didn’t you tell me? I mean--” Bella looks honestly furious. “Don’t you think we’d want to know you’ve met your--”

“I’m not his.” Sonny’s staring down at his wrist. He can’t see his clock but he knows it’s there still trapped on the moment that he and Barba met. “I’m not his soulmate. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

Bella stares at him wide eyed. It’s not good for her to be that quiet. It doesn’t seem right. So Sonny talks. “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through. But I got an idea, in a way. Not exactly, but I’m halfway there in a few different ways.” He looks up, straight into his sister’s eyes. “I can help you, Bella. I swear to God I can help you. Just tell me what you need. What you and Tommy need.”

Bella takes a deep breath in a lets it out, eyes meeting Sonny’s, locking together. “What I really need? More than anything, Sonny? Is that woman far, far away from Tommy. So far away that he’ll never even hafta see her again Sonny. I need that. Cuz right now? Right now he has to go into her horrible office and talk to her like he’s got to listen to her. Like she’s better than him and he can’t even touch her and that’s going to kill him. I know it is Sonny, and I need him somewhere where she can’t ever touch her.”

Bella stands up. “I’m sorry. I gotta go call Tommy.” Bella turns and heads to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her and leaving Sonny alone in the living room. Sonny sits there for a moment, staring at the door that Bella just went behind, considering. Then, he takes out his legal pad. And starts to write.

_ Get Tommy away from Donna Marshall _

_A. Get Tommy a different parole officer_

  1. _Tommy’s been trying for ages_
  2. _Could I interfere? Or someone higher up? Maybe call in a favor? I’m sure I know someone who knows parole officers_
  3. _Simplest solution if it works_
  4. _Marshall more likely to let him go if she thinks it’ll get her out of trouble_



_B. Go to her boss_

  1. _Might not even care_
  2. _According to what Barba said, probably won’t care_
  3. _Will almost certainly have to loop SVU into the whole situation_
  4. _Would probably end sort of the same as reporting_
  5. _Most likely to have actual consequences for Marshall_



_C. Confront Donna Marshall_

  1. _Could try and get her to let Tommy go herself_
  2. _Might even spook her_
  3. _She’s not likely to want to have any of this reported right?_
  4. _Might cause some problems_
  5. _Doesn’t appear to have much of a personal life. She’ll try and hang onto her job no matter what._



 

Sonny sits, very quietly, waiting for Bella to come out. He wants to protect Tommy; that’s his number one priority, but Marshall has been doing this to multiple people, if everything Sonny’s assuming is correct. Is it really alright for him to focus just on Tommy for this? Getting him out of the situation should be most important; he’s family but Sonny can’t help but feel each solution he comes up with feels more useless than the last; nothing he can think of will fix the situation. So he waits until Bella comes out of the bedroom and sits down next to him. “Tommy’s coming back home.” Sonny nods. Then he hands her the sheet and waits.

“So. How do you want to handle this?”

Bella doesn’t answer. Instead she picks up her phone and Sonny watches as she calls Tommy. She reads him everything that Sonny wrote down and then drops her hand down to her lap, phone in hand. 

Sonny could swear Bella pressed the speaker button when her hand dropped. Both nothing’s coming out of the phone. The room is dead quiet. Until, “you don’t have to do any of that, Sonny. Or you, Bella. You don’t have to.”

Sonny grits his teeth. “I know, Tommy. But we’ll do it anyway. You’re not alone, not even for a second. We’re going to do this. Because it needs doing.”

It goes against every cop instinct in Sonny’s body not to beg Tommy to report. Sonny knows how important the law is--he sees it every day. He knows Tommy deserves a trial; deserves Donna Marshall to spend her life in prison for what she did to people. People she was responsible for, that she had power over. But--Barba’s right.

They’d never win.

So now they have new options.

Tommy’s quiet on the other end of the phone. “I don’t want her to be my parole officer. I can’t go back there. Not again.”

Sonny lets out a deep breathe. “Yeah. Yeah Tommy. I’m going to make that happen.”

There’s silence again. Then, “I’m going to clear my head for a second.” A brief pause. “Thanks.”

Tommy hangs up and the phone shuts off to Bella’s background, and then fades to black several moments later. Sonny watches the process rather than speaking. Bella looks at him. He looks at Bella. “I like option C.”

“Now why’d I know you were going to say that.”

“Let’s wreck her, Sonny.”

Sonny nods, head full of victims he has to call and the prospect of confrontation outside the law. Full of the righteous anger in Bella’s voice and the defeat in Tommy’s. He knows what he needs to do. The right thing has never been clearer.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Sonny falls asleep on Bella's couch, alarm set to early enough in the morning to get him to work. He falls asleep to the sound of the door opening and muffled footsteps heading toward the door and hopes, more than anything, that this plan will help more than hurt. 


	6. Carisi v Marshall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny has a few regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed, so let me know if you see typos. Thanks as always to tobeconspicuous, for letting me throw ideas at you.

Sonny leaves Bella's house earlier than she wakes up, factoring in the extra time it'll take him to get to work, planning all the way. He can't do this alone, he knows, and he can't entirely do this with Bella either. Bella's great, but she's not a detective and what he really needs right now is a partner. He knows how important it is to have one, when he's working a case.

Sonny needs help. Sonny needs help on his case and he very specifically needs the help of one of his squad mates. He weighs his options carefully until he figured out that what he needed was someone who: a) would be able to help him in this situation, b) would be willing to help him in this situation and c) sincerely does not give a fuck about protocol.

“Fin! Can we talk?” Fin acquiesces easy, following him into the break room, and Rollins gives them a slight what-the-fuck look, but clearly decides she doesn’t care that much about whatever Sonny’s worked up about.

Fin, Sonny realized long ago, is a litmus test for bad decisions. If Fin thinks that a plan is too risky, then you don't do it, because Fin is both an amazingly experienced detective who knows what can succeed and fail, and a total risk taker who cares far, far more about accomplishing goals than procedure. Sonny would never dare even think of attempting a plan that Odafin Tutuola thinks is a bad idea.

Sonny honestly wouldn’t try a plan that Rollins or Amaro wouldn’t try as well, though he’s not entirely certain if those two have limits, and if they do, where they are. Which is why he is currently in a room telling Fin everything that's happened the past four days. Because Sonny needs a stability check almost as much as he needs a partner.

Fin stays mostly quiet while Sonny finishes his explanation. "And you wanna track down the other vics?"

Sonny nods, unsettled by how difficult Fin is to read sometimes. “Yeah. Solis moved down to North Carolina and Marcus is back in prison, which normally wouldn’t be a problem but, you know.”

“Can’t exactly flash the badge to talk to a con without tellin’ ‘em why.”

“Yeah, exactly. But Hodges and Michaels are still out and in the city.”

“So. Divide and conquer?” Sonny’s uncertain of the origin of the sudden burning sensation in his stomach, but he’s decided to interpret it as relief that Fin’s going along with his plan. Any other explanation is his body betraying him.

Rollins peaks her head into the break room. “You two done? Because Prentiss asked for us, Fin.”

Fin looks at Rollins, and then back at Sonny. “Take Carisi. I’ve got something I’ve got to take care of.”

Rollins raises her eyebrows. “Fine. Carisi, we’re out in twenty.” Sonny nods quickly, looking back and forth between Rollins and Fin until Rollins leaves the room.

“I’ll track down Hodges. See what you can get out of Prentiss.” Fin’s shoulders are relaxed and Sonny’s about to ask why, but Fin seems to see that coming. “You shouldn’t talk to either of these guys alone. I know--” Fin pauses for a second. “I know what it’s like when I case goes personal. Never goes well. Prentiss mostly talks to Rollins so let her handle the whole thing. We’ll get Michaels in the afternoon.”

Sonny can’t think of any reason why that’s a bad idea. In fact, it seems pretty smart. But, still, Sonny was hoping to get started as soon as possible. All the sadness, all the righteous anger that he’d built up last night boiled over into determination. All he can think about is Donna Marshall and he suddenly realizes he’s barely thought about Prentiss at all in the past several days. What sort of detective is he.

Sonny trusts Fin. He can handle this. “Sounds good. I’ll just--” he jerks his thumb towards the door and only realizes what an awkward motion it is when Fin smirks, “go.” Sonny turns around, because Fin looking at him like that’s honestly pretty humiliating, and heads to find Rollins.

Sarah Prentiss looks considerably better than she did several days ago, Sonny realizes with no small amount of relief. She’s been giving Rollins and Fin the run around for most of the time they’ve talked to her, but Rollins thinks she’s a bit closer to cracking. “We’re still not letting Peyton anywhere near her, and she hasn’t asked for him, but he’s been making waves.” She explains to him on her way to the hospital.

The beginning of the visit is spent on formalities. Prentiss asks on Fin, asks Sonny what he’s doing there, asks Rollins what she’s been doing, barely lets Rollins do any talking. It’s all very clearly intentional--Prentiss is not a particularly subtle person, Sonny has been learning. She’s blunt, and Rollins has said she’s got this tendency to blurt out whatever’s on her mind. “Like you, kinda, Carisi,” she’d said yesterday, and Sonny had elbowed her on the shoulder.

Prentiss is having trouble meeting Rollins’s eye, but the question is clearly directed at her. “I know it’s not a nice question to ask. And normally I wouldn’t. But I really need to know. Do you have a soulmate, Detective?”

Rollins looks at Sonny, just for a second. She wants him to take over, he realizes. Talk to her like he talked to Peyton. Sonny wonders what sort of assumptions Rollins has made and banishes that thought from his head the moment he thinks it.

Sonny can do it, if he needs to, but the idea of lying to Prentiss, unlike to Peyton, fills him with a sense of sick dread. He can do it, if he needs to, he can tell her whatever will make her talk about his soulmate. He needs to do whatever he can do to relate and get her to tell them about what happened to her. It’s not like Peyton; can he lie to Peyton about Barba, just to get her to talk about her trauma. She doesn’t deserve that sort of disrespect. Neither does Barba.

Sonny’s always been better with perps than victims. And Rollins is better with victims; she really doesn’t need anything from him. Sonny raises his eyebrows and hopes that whatever psychic link he and Rollins occasionally develop when they act like partners. What do you want from me, his face says. You got this Rollins.

Rollins nods, slowly. “Yeah. I’ve got a soulmate. I met him a few years ago.”

Prentiss nods. “Do you love him?”

Rollins’s smile is a tight line. Sonny looks away. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be hearing this. “We get along. I love him like crazy. But, we’re not together.” She leans a little closer, trying to get Prentiss to meet her eyes. “That’s what you’re really asking, right? If you’ve got to be together with your soulmate? You don’t. If it’s not right, you don’t--you need to know that.”

Prentiss takes in a deep, shaky breath. “I do...know that. I mean, I didn’t know that at first. You know, because you’re supposed to end up with your soulmates. But life’s more complicated than that isn’t it? And you don’t have to do that, if it doesn’t feel right, can’t you? That’s why I tried--” she pauses, gathers herself together and Sonny’s suddenly struck with how difficult it must be to talk while biting hard on your bottom lip. “I tried to break it off with him.” It comes out in a rush. Rollins nods, slow, to get Prentiss to nod her head a little too.

“You tried to break it off. Good. Was that the same night? The night you were stabbed.”

Prentiss hasn’t once looked in Rollins’s direction. Like she knows if she does, she might break. Silence stretches long enough that Sonny has to shift his weight. “I’m sorry, Detective. I’m not feeling great. Can we do this tomorrow?”

Rollins turns around while they leave, letting a disappointed look creep onto her face when she looks at Prentiss. “We can do this tomorrow Sarah. Of course we can. But we have to do this. You need to tell us what happened.”

Sonny thinks that blow needs to be softened. “We’re completely on your side here, Sarah. You’ve got to know that.”

Prentiss is still. And then, right when they’re about to leave, Sonny sees, right out of the corner of his eye, her nod. Ever so slightly.

Sonny turns on his phone. Only to be greeted by Fin. ”hodges freaked the mo brought marshall up. kicked out.”

Sonny texts back. “tnks.” Then, “talk to Michaels afternoon?”

“Cool.” Fin texts back and Sonny turns to Rollins who’s been staring at Sonny while he was staring at his phone. “Hey, what are you and Fin up to?”

Nobody’s ever accused Rollins of being shy. “Tell you later.” Rollins doesn’t stop looking at him, doesn’t start up the car, and Sonny thinks, wildly, that she’s going to keep them both here until he tells her what’s going on. But then she snorts a very Rollins snort. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter, I guess.”

They drive in silence for several minutes and Sonny thinks that’s just how it’ll be for the rest of the ride until--”Don’t tell anybody what I said in there.”

Like she even needs to ask. “Of course not. Never.”

Rollins drives in silence. But it’s a silence where her fingers are loosened slightly against the wheel. Sonny didn’t realize that her fingers were so tight around them, except color has started to return to them. Sonny’s fine sitting there, but Rollins seems to feel like she needs to explain--justify--give him something. “If you want to ask. This would be your one shot.”

Sonny weighs his options. Is Rollins asking permission to share? Has she needed to talk to someone, anyone, and she’s choosing Sonny, right now? Or does she think she owes him something, some sort of information in return for his silence? Sonny looks at her, looks at the discomfort pain across her face and realizes that Rollins isn’t hiding anything right now. 

“It’s okay, Rollins.” It’s nothing Sonny couldn’t guess, he’s certain anyway. Rollins nods, and he’s not certain if it’s in relief or disappointment. 

“I’ve gotta say, Carisi. Didn’t realize you had a soulmate. Figured you’d talk about her all the time.” She shoots a grin at him, turning just slightly enough as to keep her eyes on the road.

Sonny doesn’t want to break this moment. Rollins has this sweet romance in mind and Sonny doesn’t want to tell her that’s not what’s happened at all but he can’t just leave her with her assumptions. She’ll try and talk to him about his soulmate--tease him about it and Sonny can’t handle that, not with how he and Barba are right now. “We’re not together. Me and my soulmate. I was lying to Peyton, Rollins.”

“Huh.” Rollins says. “Shoulda figured.” 

Andrew Michaels isn’t home. He isn’t answering his phone and none of his neighbours can tell Fin and Sonny where they think he might be. Fin suggests “call later” and “visit tomorrow” before taking off to do whatever it is Fin does when he’s not around Sonny. Fin things. Sonny treads water, thinks about trying to think what he can do about either case. Contacting Marshall’s boss would work against him in the end--digging into her personal life hasn’t helped considerably, and he’s just considering looking into her list of current parolees when Tommy texts him. Sonny looks down at his phone and panic seizes him. “SOS. Bella’s gone after Marshall.”

Sonny calls immediately. “Tommy. What happened?”

“I was supposed to have a check in today. And I didn’t go. I couldn’t.”

“That’s okay, Tommy. What happened?”

“Marshall--called. Our house. Bella picked up and I don’t know what both of them said? But Bella took off. Thought--if I went--it’d make things worse.”

“I’m heading there right now. Stay where you are, Tommy. I’ve got it covered.”

Sonny wishes he had a car with him. Taking Lyft to the parole office is a really awkward experience. He hopes--and it’s a really desperate hope--that Donna Marshall’s at home and that Bella found nothing and nobody and they didn’t show their entire hand and his sister isn’t going to get arrested for murdering someone.

He should have seen this coming. Bella’s been a powder keg since this started. Tommy’s shut down, like so many victims do, but Bella got angry, just like their families. If Sonny was thinking, if Sonny was actually thinking, he’d remember how badly victim’s families get. Especially when the perpetrator isn’t properly punished. He shouldn’t have told her how hopeless the situation was. He shouldn’t have told her any of it.

Sonny gets out of the car, thanking the driver almost on instinct and hurries into the building. The parole office is a boring, decrepit building with long hallways and a floor plan that doesn’t really make any sense, so Sonny thinks it’s going to be hard to find Bella and Marshall. Except, when he gets inside, it really isn’t going to be hard at all given the raised voices echoing across the building.

“He didn’t sleep with you! You made him you stupid--horrible--bitch.” Bella can’t have been here much longer than Sonny, assuming that Tommy texted him right after Bella left. Maybe he can get to her before she says something really incriminating. 

“If you ever go anywhere near my house again, I swear to God I will--” Sonny needs to stop that sentence right now. “Hey!”

He’s certain that Bella recognizes his voice, because she stops talking and whirls around.

Donna Marshall’s got wide eyes. Sonny thought that in her picture and he thinks so now that he’s looking at her again. Sonny flashes his badge and approaches the two of them. “What’s going on?”

“Officer. This woman,” Marshall motions to Bella, “threatened to kill me.” Sonny tries to smother any reaction to that. Bella wouldn’t; she’s smarter than that; Marshall’s lying to get this person who’s come up to them on her side; that’s all that happened.

Bella whirls around to face Sonny. “I didn’t, I swear Sonny. I just told her,” Bella’s voice raises at the last word, “that she’s got to stay away from Tommy.” Marshall looks back and forth between the two of them, catching up that they know each other, clearly changing whatever plan she’d been developing before this.

Marshall’s clearly been thrown off completely by whatever’s happening. Sonny doubts anything like this has happened before.

Maybe intimidation was the right move here. “She’s right. You really should stay away from Tommy Sullivan.” 

Sonny motions for Bella to follow him and she does. Bella always followed their lead--Teresa’s and Gina’s and Sonny’s. He didn’t even need to look behind him.

She’ll protest it though. “Sonny,” she mutters while following behind him. “Sonny, we should go back there. We gotta make sure she’s not going to come back, Sonny come on.” Sonny waits until they’re outside.

Sonny grabs Bella by the shoulders. “Hey! Hey, listen, listen to me. No we can’t. Attacking her, you think that was gonna do any good? That gonna do Tommy good? Really now Bella, really? You thinking at all right now?”

“What else am I supposed to do? Let her get to him? Are you fucking kidding me, Sonny? How else am I supposed to protect Tommy?” Bella’s crying, straight out sobbing and Sonny flattens out his hands so they’re holding her shoulders not holding her back.  
“No. You’re not. We’re going to get her away from him.” Sonny pauses. “I’m going to talk to my Sarge. You can trust her on this one, Bella. She’ll know what to do.”

Sonny brings Bella to the station, steers her into the break room. Rollins and Amaro watch him curiously from their desks. Sonny coming into the station with a tear stained woman isn’t exactly an unusual experience, but where he’s sending her is. Bella sits down and she immediately buries her head in her arms. Sonny goes to find Benson. 

Olivia Benson stands, hands firm on her hips, staring at Sonny while he enters her office. Barba’s sitting down at a chair across from her and Sonny can’t help but stare at him while Barba meets his eyes with a challenge, which Sonny learned long ago is how Barba shows guilt. Sonny can’t even be mad; he should have expected this. Like Barba doesn’t tell Benson everything.

“Carisi.” Benson’s voice takes on a tone when she’s with suspects. When she knows something that everyone else doesn’t and Sonny has always loved that tone but he never wanted it directed at him. “Do you have something to tell me?” 

Sonny’s suddenly transported back to when he was ten and broke his mother’s wind chime by swinging it around the room. Her voice contains sort of gentle frustration that comes when you’ve messed up in a really unnecessary and stupid way. 

Sonny forgoes any resistance. “Yeah, Sarge. My sister kinda, might have, threatened Donna Marshall. She’s in the break room right now.”

Benson closes her eyes, stays silent for several seconds. Sonny recognizes the gesture as praying-for-patience, another favorite of his mother’s (and, wow, Sonny really has got to stop comparing the Sargent to his mom.) “Carisi. Leave. Go to your desk. Do nothing.”

“Yes, Sarge.”

“SVU can’t handle this case, you know that.” And Sonny does. He’s known that from the very start. Sonny stands and Barba trails behind him. Sonny holds the door open for Barba, and then looks back at Benson. Sonny’s not exactly feeling brave enough to talk right now, but he has to anyway. “So, what are you going to do, Sarge?”

Benson puts her hands on her hips. “What do you think I’m going to do, Carisi? I’m going to get her arrested. Now get out of my office.”

While Sonny follows Barba out of his office, who’s looking very concerned now that he’s not in the Sarge’s eyesight, he hears the Sarge call after him. “And send your sister in here, Carisi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we circle back around to canon I guess.


	7. Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny reaches a dead end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will edit a chapter before posting it but today is not that day.

Sonny leaves Benson’s office, arms folded across his chest when suddenly from right behind him he hears, “Carisi.”

Sonny nearly jumps and turns to face Barba who had, apparently, been standing right outside the door for some reason ungodly reason. “Were you standing there since you left?” Sonny asks, frazzled and uncomfortable, for reasons different than Barba usually makes him uncomfortable.

“Liv said that,” Barba starts, like Sonny never said anything which is a little offensive, honestly “but she can’t arrest Marshall.” Sonny opens his mouth and Barba shakes his head. “No. She can’t. That’s what we were talking about before you got here. The case would look biased; every action that you took and that the squad took would be under such serious scrutiny it would ruin any chance that we would have of Marshall going to jail.” Barba takes a deep breathe in. “I can’t prosecute this. She needs to push this to another division.”

“Who won’t do anything with it. You said so yourself.” Sonny’s frustration mounts every second Barba talks, even though he knows it isn’t Barba’s fault at all. This entire situation was messed up from the beginning.

“Yes, I am aware of what I said, Carisi.” Barba looks around the room and notices what Sonny already has--that Rollins and Amaro are pretty openly staring at them and clearly trying to listen in, and that they’re in the middle of the squad room. Sonny’s pretty far past caring about appearances, and fairly content to do what Benson said, go get Bella, and return to his desk, but Barba seems to have other plans. “Come on.” And with that Barba walks out of the room. Like Sonny wouldn’t dare not go after him.

Sonny follows Barba like it’s natural instinct. He’s pulled toward him in every way, even if that way is only falling into step behind him. But, they’re going to wrong way. “Barba. Barba, Benson wants to talk to my sister.”

Barba pauses, seems to recalibrate. “Then we’ll send her there.”

The room where he’d left Bella isn’t far from the Bella looks up. “Hey, Sonny.” 

“Hey Bells.” He lingers at the doorway and Barba’s behind even him. “My Sergeant wants to talk to you. Think you can tell her about it? Everything?”

“Don’t think I know everything, Sonny.” His sister moves slow to her feet, and crosses the room like she’s forced to move. “But I’ll tell her what I do know.”

“Want me to show you where to--”

“I’m sure I can figure it out.” Bella might walk slow when she’s psyching herself up for something, but she holds her head up when she heads out. Sonny watches her go, attention, shifting slowly from Bella to Barba. Who proceeds to slip inside of the room and shut the door. Sonny nearly jumps when the door closes and realizes that he might be a little on edge. He forces himself to relax as Barba visibly prepares himself for something. 

“Carisi, I am going to do everything I can to make certain that this trial goes well. I can’t be there personally to try Marshall, but I can make certain that no one makes any missteps with the prosecution. But, you can’t be involved in this at all. You’re going to probably be a witness, if this manages to get past a grand jury.”

“Think it will?”

Barba considers. “I think I’ve spoken to Kenneth O’Dwyer and he thinks that he’ll get it past a grand jury. But that doesn’t mean much of anything given that it’s...O’Dwyer.” Sonny doesn’t know who O’Dwyer is, but apparently Barba thinks he’s an idiot. Which doesn’t mean a lot, given that it’s Barba. “So it really more depends on how much work the Brooklyn P.D. is willing to put into this. What Liv says to them. And how willing they are to go against a parole officer.” Disdain fills Barba’s voice and Sonny wonders just how often has watched departments fail, just because of the position of the accused. “And, I suppose, it depends on what your sister says. In any case, the situation is mostly out of our hands. And completely out of yours.”

They stand there in silence for a few moments, until it becomes stifling. 

“Was that it?” Sonny knows he sounds short, doesn’t think he’s ever talked to Barba in any tone but deferential, but it’s been such a long few days. He knows he’s messed up he doesn’t need Barba to tell him that, not when Benson has and Rollins and Amaro certainly will and he’s made the situation so much worse for Tommy.

And, suddenly, Barba’s having trouble meeting his eyes.

“No, Carisi. One other thing. Because you’re here. Because we’re talking.” Barba’s not nervous, Sonny realizes. He was thinking. He’s starring Sonny down like they’re in court. Direct eye contact makes witnesses nervous; it makes it difficult to lie or obscure the truth. Sonny read a study one time that looking up and to the left indicates lying. Or was it the right? Is he going to have to use this information? “There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while.”

“What?”

“Why did you tell me about what happened to Tommy Sullivan?” Sonny opens his mouth, almost gaping, and Barba interrupts him before he even gets out a word. “And before you say it was because you needed to tell someone, or because you needed help; I’m asking why you told  _ me _ about what happened. I wasn’t the best choice, Carisi, I’m certain you know that.”

Sonny thinks of a half a dozen answers that he can give to Barba, a dozen explanations for his behavior that don’t fall down to the fact that he’s his soulmate and Sonny wants to tell him everything, wants to tell him every problem that Sonny’s ever had. He could tell Barba it’s because you were there. Because I wanted you to tell Benson and didn’t think I could do it myself. Because you’re a lawyer and I needed a lawyer’s opinion on this case. Because I trust your advice. Because I admire you and thought you could help. 

None of which approach the truth, not the real truth. They’re all true to a certain extent, but they aren’t what Barba’s looking for and they’re not enough. So he can’t give any of them to Barba. So he doesn’t say anything. Just looks back at Barba, steady.

Barba’s face, slowly, transforms, smile creeping onto his face until it’s a smirk. Sonny should have said something. He's dizzy and out of order. He gave himself away completely. Barba’s soft like this, his eyes incredibly bright. “Nevermind, Carisi. That’s what I thought.”

Sonny considers his options. Whether he should stay with Barba, or make his way back to do work. He knows he should leave, should go back to work, but he wants to be here when Bella comes back. And he wants to talk more with Barba.

He’s considering his options up until Bella comes back into the room, freezing slightly when she sees Barba and Sonny still there. Then she sighs and flops down into a chair, looking up at Barba. “Hi. Sorry, I don’t think we met?”

“No we haven’t, Ms. Carisi.” Barba sits down next to Bella and puts on what Sonny likes to think of as Barba’s witness voice. It’s softer than how he normally talks, but not the same extent he extends to victims, overly formal and not very familiar. Sonny’s been cataloging Barba’s various voices; he puts on something different for everybody. “My name is Rafael Barba. I’m an ADA with SVU. I work with your brother.” 

Bella only raises her eyebrows slightly. “You are, huh?” Sonny has a sudden horryfing rush of fear that Bella’s going to say something awful to Barba.

But Bella only lets out a sigh. “So I guess you know most of what happened then. So did your Sargaent,” she says, glancing at Sonny. “Except what happened today.”

Sonny looks sharply at Bella. “Something happened today?”

“Well, kinda. It’s not like something happened but--” she sighs. “I’ve been callin’ people. Tommy’s been callin’ people. Since the moment you said there might be more people. Took that list and we figured Tommy might want to talk to them. Or they might want to talk to Tommy. And they sure did. Ex-cons don’t really like talking to the police but they were good with Tommy. That Luiz guy had a lot of stuff to say, let me tell you. She was worse to him than she was to anybody else from what he said. And everybody we talked to told Tommy to get out as soon as he can.”

Barba’s voice is steady. “And will you be willing to tell the other detectives everything they said?”

“Course. And I think Tommy--well I’m still not entirely certain what Tommy’s thinking all of the time. But he wants her out no matter what. And he’ll be willing to talk. If it--if it gets her outa our lives for good.” She looks between the two of them. “So, you guys aren’t gonna be handling the case? Sonny you can’t be on it? That’s what Sergeant Benson said. It’s going to be someone else? And it’s going to be a case?”

“Yes. They’ll get in contact with you I’m certain. You’ll--” And, for the second time, the door to the room opens unexpectedly. 

Rollins looks back and forth between the three of them and Sonny takes a moment to wonder just how weird the situation looks: Sonny leaning against the back wall, an angry blonde woman she doesn’t know angry crying at Barba, Barba looking more sympathetic than he is ninety-percent of the time. “Carisi, need you out here.” Sonny looks uncertainly at the two of them but Barba waves him away and Bella sends him a quick “it’s okay, Sonny,” which makes Rollins raise her eyebrows. Sonny follows Rollins out of the room.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rollins looks up, presumably for strength, “whatever that was. But we kinda got a situation. Prentiss has been released from the hospital. She called me a minute ago; she’s taking Uber over to the station. Says she wants to talk to us.” Sonny takes a second to mentally shift gears, readjust himself to the new information and opens his mouth to speak before Rollins cuts him straight off.

“What’s going on? Liv looks seriously pissed. Specifically, at you earlier, but still kinda now.” She grins, trying to take the edge off. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you this far in the doghouse. Whatdaya do, Carisi? Fill out your paperwork in crayon?”

Sonny dodges. “Haha, Rollins. What’s going on with Prentiss?”

“Nothing that can’t be handled in a minute. I’m serious, what’s going on?” She folds her arms in front of her, waiting, like she’s just expecting Sonny to tell her.

Sonny doesn’t need to spell this out for her. Not when he’s already told this story so many times. “I’m sure you’ll find out real soon, Rollins. Not a lota chance that you won’t.” She sends up an unimpressed look.

“Liv looks really genuinely upset. She’s talking to Fin who’s been who knows where and you guys were talking earlier and now there’s Barba and that girl and--” Rollins cuts off. “We’re partners, kinda. You gotta tell me what’s going on, because I know you know what’s up. Don’t keep me in the dark, Carisi.” 

Sonny sometimes forgets, because he’s caught up in his own head, but everything comes down to trust. He’s known that for so long; it’s strange to forget. Life comes down to who you trust and how much you trust them. He knows--he  _ knows _ he needs to be able to trust his partner with information, with everything, and Rollins needs to be able to trust him, at least to share. 

Sonny thinks he figured out why he told Barba about Tommy. And he thought it was because he was his soulmate. Sonny’s kind of an idiot sometimes.

“I can’t get into the whole thing right now. Because we need to see Prentiss.” Rollins nods. “But a few nights ago, my sister’s boyfriend told me and my sister that he was assaulted by his parole officer.” Rollins takes a deep breathe out. 

“So that’s your sister in there I’m guessing?”

“Yeah. He didn’t want to report it, so I tried to investigate the situation and I told Barba and Fin about it because I thought they could help. Then Bella, that’s my sister, went and confronted Donna Marshall, that’s the officer, and Barba told Benson everything and then she talked to Bella. And that’s basically what happened. We won’t be on this investigation, so don’t even worry about that.” 

Rollins seems to consider that for a long moment. “Wow. That was basically what I was thinking happened.”

“Really?”

“No, not really, Carisi. Obviously not; come on.”

“Funny. So, what’s going on with Prentiss?” Sonny asks, less to change the subject and more because he really needs to know before they head out.

“She doesn’t want to go home.” Rollins scratches at her sleeve absently while they walk. “For obvious reasons given who’s waiting there for her. She was worried it was too late to come here, but I told her it was fine and that I could pick her up--but she insisted on coming here on her own. Said she wanted to talk to me, or Fin, or you, and I thought it’d be best if at least two of us are available when she gets here.”

“Do you think she’s actually going to tell us what happened?” Sonny tries to picture the look in Prentiss’s eyes when she was talking about her soulmate. Her constant hesitation. She might be coming, but he’s not certain she’s ready. He understands completely. Telling them what happened would be admitting that her soulmate tried to kill her. Sonny tries to imagine that and he can’t even visualize the concept--the idea is so distant in his head. Barba killing him sounds more like a horrible joke than a real possibility. 

Rollins considers. “She might. We’ll see when she gets here.” She thinks for a moment. “I’ll talk to her. She needs someone to talk to and she needs a place to stay and, hopefully, we can get her the latter, because she sure can't go to Peyton. If she tells us what happens, I want you on the boyfriend tomorrow.”

“Can do, Rollins.”

Rollins turns to leave, then stops to turn back to Sonny. “Appreciate you telling me about that, Carisi.” There’s something warm in Sonny’s stomach when he nods.

It’s later than Sonny thought when he gets to his desk--five minutes after eight. It feels like only an hour after he dragged Bella out of the parole office. Benson, her and Fin out of her office and in the middle of the squad room, turns around, sees Sonny at his desk, catches Barba’s eyes as he and Bella come out of the back. Benson walks up to him, knocks on his desk. “Carisi, go home. Take your sister with you.” Sonny nods and Bella’s quick to follow him.

Sonny holds his hands against Bella’s shoulders, walking her out of the precinct more protectively than she probably needs. He feels eyes following him, tracking his movements out and he swears that he can feel it someone deep down, feel Barba watching him, all the way until he reaches the doors.

Sonny thinks about looking back at him, but instead he swings the door open, waits for Bella to leave ahead of him. He takes the steps down two at a time and now, outside the precinct, the air is colder than he expected.


	8. About Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael meets his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to kjack89 for looking this chapter over!

This is what Rafael learns about soulmates before he meets his soulmate:

Rafi’s grandmother’s speaks softly, and she speaks even more so when she tells him about soulmates. She rocks him to sleep with tales of his handsome grandfather, so kind and strong, and Rafi gathers pictures of a tall man with dark eyes, though he’s seen pictures of his grandfather, short and wiry. His grandmother says he looks just like him, but he doesn’t. The way his grandmother describes his grandfather makes him a romantic hero. His grandmother fell in love with him the moment they met, she tells him, because they were meant for each other and no one else.

Rafi’s not certain how much he actually understands about soulmates, because when he came home and declared Alex Mu ñ oz his and his mother laughed at him and says he’s known Alex since he was six. It was very startling, because his mother is not the type to laugh. She brushes back his hair and tells him he’ll meet his soulmate when he’s older, and she’ll be beautiful.  

Rafi falls asleep to promises of a soulmate. One day he’ll meet a girl who will make his heart stop and never stray for a second and Rafi can almost picture her at the edge of his mind, circulating around his vision even when he can’t see her. Promises of love and promises of love from beyond the grave. His grandmother’s heart never wavered. “It was cruel he was taken so soon,” she whispers, holding Rafi close to her chest. She doesn’t say he died, but Rafi knows what she’s talking about. His grandmother thinks he knows less than he does. “Fate works as it does. I will love him forever.” Her voice is melodic and Rafi’s swept into her dreams. Love. Forever. “As you will love.” He’ll love someone, forever.

Rafi loves the concept of love. He loves forever even more, the idea of having someone forever makes him sick with happiness. He wants to much, too much something in the back of his mind tells him and it sounds a lot like his father, he wants too much. But, but--

His parents are soulmates.

His parents scream at each other late into the night, hurl insults and objects and words that Rafi doesn’t even know yet and he’s a smart kid, everyone says so, who knows so many words, after they’ve said something even crueler. Rafi cowers under covers, certain that if they were never soulmates this would not be happening. If they were never soulmates they never would have touched each other and sure, then he wouldn’t exist but sometimes he finds the idea preferable than--than--

Rafi loves what he hears about love but he’s not certain he believes it yet. And he’s not certain he can love soulmates. Rafi’s certain for every beautiful story there’s an awful one that his grandmother just won’t tell him. Soulmates are just people and people are so much meaner than Rafi could ever explain. 

Rafi’s decided this won’t stop him. He flirts with girls and asks them out and sometimes they say yes, and he stares longingly at boys, but there seems like no one in the world who wants anyone but their soulmate and Rafi’s not anyone’s soulmate, not anyone’s he’s met, and he can’t help but think what’s wrong with him, that no one wants him to be theirs. 

Not that he really wants to find one now. Rafi is trying to decide if he wants a soulmate. He’s formulating advantages and disadvantages and his grandmother is telling him that he’ll change his mind when he’s a little older, then he’ll understand how wonderful they can be, but he can’t think of anything wonderful about his parents together.

Rafi watches the time on his wrist and wonders what it would look like stopped. What he will feel when it stops. It’s not supposed to hurt, but Rafi can’t help but imagine that it’ll burn when he meets them.

He’s trying to figure out if his soulmate is the only person who’s ever going to love him. It might be worth giving in, if there’s no other chance at love.

This is what Rafael believes, as in, actually believes, about soulmates before he meets his own:

The thing about time is it’s a construct. People invented and quantified how life passes based on how fast seconds pass on the inside of their wrists and, if they really wanted to, Rafael’s certain, they could reevaluate and measure history in some other way, not based on soulmates. They won’t, they never will, but Rafael remains fascinated by the concept, that time could be based on some other measurement. 

Alex and Yelina meet when Rafi introduces them on a cold October day, right after school. Their clocks stop at the exact same time. The two of them are disgustingly in love and Rafi is some mix of furiously jealous and completely happy for them. The two of them are completely in love except, are they? Except, why would Alex do that, if they were so in love? Years in the future, Rafael grows more discouraged with the concept of love, more fundamentally disappointed in affection, in Alex, something in his mind whispers and yes, he knows, he didn’t expect this from Alex. Yelina expected it even less but she won’t take Rafael’s calls and, eventually, he gives up. He talks to his mother.

“She’s his soulmate,” she says, sitting across the couch from him. “Of course she forgives him.”

He doesn’t speak to his mother for a week after.

The thing about time is, it passes as quickly or slowly as you want it to. One day, Rafi is a child and the next ADA Barba is walking into court and he doesn’t feel a day has passed. But it feels like ages since he looked at his wrist and sometimes he imagines one day he’ll look down and see it stopped, and someone to creep up behind him. Look at me. I’m your soulmate. Don’t worry, just trust me. He can’t picture a face, or a voice, just a stop whisper and a hand on his wrist. There’s no love in his imagination. 

There’s no love in reality either. He faces case after case of abusers and rapists, excuses over and over.  _ I know she’s my soulmate she just doesn’t know it! _ And  _ no I know he loves me. _ And  _ how dare she leave me _ . So many people doing so many disgusting, horrifying actions because of love, in spite of love, because the one they love loves someone else. ADA Barba cuts deals and takes the most interesting cases to court and grows colder and Rafael wonders when people will stop disappointing him and Rafi’s still somewhere deep down inside of him, wondering if anyone’s going to love him.

He thinks about his parents, about Alex and Yelina, about every person he’s looked at even twice and wondered  _ maybe  _ and thinks no. 

Rafael buys a band to cover his arm, in a futile attempt to drown out his thoughts. Without visual evidence the situation feels marginally less real. Everything in his life has taught him this.

He wears it long enough that he starts to wonder if he’s already met them. He knows that’s impossible--that everyone knows you feel it deep when you meet your soulmate--he’d know in an instant if he had met them. But he wonders in any case. Rafael wonders, at points, if Liv is his soulmate. He knows he isn’t hers; her clock has kept faithfully ticking along since the moment he met her, but he doesn’t think she’d be the worst soulmate in the world; someone he’s close to, someone he’s friends with, someone he’s never been involved with and never will be, a partner more than a soulmate. 

He doesn’t think he’d be disappointed in that solution, but something deep inside him whispers  _ what about love _ . Rafi’s still in their, thinking about perfect and forever. He feels his grandmother’s sadness.  _ Rafi, what about your love?  _ Rafael can fall in love, maybe, if he tries hard enough. He’s knows he’s capable of love; he wasn’t always certain, but he’s fallen in love plenty of times. But everyone wants their soulmate; he’s not certain how to find someone who doesn’t.

Rafael meets men, meets women, and there’s an instinctual tensing somewhere deep inside of him, a slow, feeling that takes hold and stays there whenever he meets anyone new. It disappears the moment they shake his hand, the moment they make it clear that he’s in no way theirs but it persists. It makes him sick.

Rafael doesn’t wear a watch. Rafael doesn’t like looking at clocks. Rafael doesn’t like meeting new people and he’s finally decided, far too late, that he doesn’t need a soulmate.

This is what Rafael knows when he meets his soulmate.

He doesn’t.

Rafael wakes up one morning goes to shower, absently looks down at his wrist while reaching for soap, not even thinking that he’s looking down at his wrist, not expecting any difference.

He stares. Stares at the mark, at the time, at the way his time has stopped and won’t start and he looks up, thinks about everyone he’s met in the past several weeks, tries to figure out when the last time he looked down at his arm was, and comes up with nothing. He never even noticed. He never even felt a thing.

Rafael tries to summon up some kind of emotion, some type of sadness that he’s met his soulmate and his soulmate never even acknowledged him. That he doesn’t know who his soulmate is and might never know. But all he can feel is a bubbly sense of relief low in his stomach. He almost wants to laugh. He does laugh and it sounds bitter, but he doesn’t know why because he’s certain he was far more bitter than before this moment. 

Rafael’s pretty certain, as he goes to work, this is what pure, unadulterated freedom feels like. That low feeling knotting in his stomach he’s felt since he was a child has relaxed and he walks, head high, smirk settled firmly on his face, out his house.

His mind is blank enough to crystallize into a singular thought. How did he live, for so many years, with so much fear.


	9. Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael resolves old issues and opens new ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the lovely and wonderful tobeconspicuous for all that she does

Rafael has to admit, he dismissed Minonna Efron the first time they met each other. He couldn’t imagine any lawyer who passed their card out at clubs could really be worth much in the courtroom, and he’s gone against some bad lawyers in his time. He couldn’t have turned out to be more wrong and Rafael finds that deeply unsettling. 

Rafael can’t think of a defense attorney that he would want Peyton to have hired less which is why Peyton, of course, hired her. He isn’t surprised, Rafael’s long since decided that his life is conspiring to make him miserable and has begrudgingly accepted that fact, but he wishes he was walking into this meeting against someone else instead. He knows how to handle other attorneys--Rita is reasonable and cunning so address with flair, Buchanan has no soul so there’s no need to hold back in court, Braun overuses case law so make certain to have a case to counter, D’Angelo takes deals so offer them--but he’s never had a way to beat against Efron. Their styles are too similar; all showmanship and passion in offense and defense. He doesn’t like his win record against her. He doesn’t know why she would defend Peyton.

That shouldn’t matter though. He knows Efron is as uncertain about this case as he is. Rafael’s not certain that he has enough to put Peyton away (what was it that Rollins said when they arrested him? Shaky, the victim is shaky) but he’s equally certain that Efron doesn’t want to try her hands at bringing this to court. Not with Prentiss crying on the stand; not with the type of horror that juries feel when one soulmate attacks another. They’re both just unsure enough to be having this meeting and that’s a delicate balance to maintain, which is why he hopes Efron shows up to his office soon and hasn’t decided to postpone the meeting.

Not that she’s late. It’s still three minutes until she’s supposed to be here. Their appointment starts at three-forty and Rafael catches himself staring at the clock, tapping his pen absently against his paper. He clears his throat, straightens, and moves some papers around in a desperate effort to look even busier than he is.

Carmen opens his door. “Minonna Efron’s here.” Efron enters his office in a brown suit that, frankly, is pretty terrible. Rafael knows not everyone can have good fashion sense, but he knows she can afford something that can fit her shoulders. He finishes signing some document Ellis sent him about the Thompson case, which Rafael is exceptionally glad he missed, and stands up to greet her. “Counselor Efron.”

“Barba.” Efron nods and sits as Rafael sits. “I reviewed the revised plea.” Rafael bites back an “I assumed” in an attempt at both maturity and professionalism. “And?” he says instead. He and Efron worked out a deal with a series of emails that changed smallest of details each time. Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, rather than attempted murder which he should be getting, given that he stabbed a woman with a knife and left her to die in the middle of the street. Nine years, six or seven with good behavior. A restraining order will be taken out against him on behalf of Prentiss, one that is currently in effect with Peyton out on bail. Rafael is being more than fair. Mostly because of how reluctant Prentiss gets every time someone even mentions that there might be a trial.  
Hopefully, there won’t.

“He still refuses.” Rafael remembers Efron accusing him of playing mind games with Simon Wilkes and telling him not to take a deal and Rafael curves his mouth into what he’s certain must be a sneer. Efron looks unimpressedly back.

“I’m serious, Barba. He completely refuses to take a deal. And, as his lawyer, I have to act in the best interest. So--” Efron hands him back the paper they had previously drafted. Rafael wonders how she would feel if her soulmate stabbed her and then wonders when he started thinking such horrible things. “I’m going to have to turn down this deal.”

“I’d ask you to reconsider, but I know you won’t.” Rafael takes the paper from Efron, studies it blankly. 

“I’ll see you in court, Counselor.” 

“You as well, Counselor.” Efron leaves the room and Rafael waits a moment before following after her. He absently drops the paper on Carmen’s desk. “Shred this,” he says as he wanders off in search of coffee. Normally he’d send Carmen, but right now he needs a walk.

Ryan Peyton has no intention of taking a plea deal. For once, Rafael is disappointed. Normally, he is more than happy to bring criminals to court, but he has had a sinking feeling somewhere deep in his stomach since the moment Rollins told him that they had arrested Peyton. The interrogation of Ryan Peyton was a needlessly exhausting process to watch the first time; he’s certain that it’ll be considerably worse in the trial itself. A cross examination is basically an interrogation, except you have to know all the answers beforehand and phrase them as yes-or-no questions. He’s always told Liv his job was harder, except that she has an unfortunate tendency to get shot at.

Rafael wonders why this case is getting to him. Some traitorous voice in the back of his head is saying it’s because they’re soulmates but another, louder part is just picturing the haunted expression on Prentiss’s face when she told Rollins what happened. At Peyton’s pleas of innocence, telling Carisi he needs to just understand.

Rafael’s not going to rest until Ryan Peyton is in prison for a far longer time than ADA Barba already told him he would be. Rafael’s going to make him regret not taking a deal.

Rafael is so lost in his own thoughts and plans that he barely notices a figure approaching him before she’s right next to him, who seems to have come out of completely nowhere. “Who are you, Carisi?” He doesn’t even know why he says this. 

“Not anymore; I’m a Sullivan. Did you forget we got married? Coulda sworn we told you we got married.” Bella Carisi, and Rafael can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact her name has changed at all, is suddenly standing right next to him. Her entire family clearly has teleportation powers, given their tendency to appear out of nowhere and far too far into Rafael’s personal space. Rafael is on the top of the stairs down from his office building and Bella Carisi is on just one step below him and Rafael really wants to take a step back and would if he didn’t know how weak that would look.

Bella shoves her hands into her pockets. Rafael keeps his by he side despite how cold it is outside. His fingers prickle. “I was just coming to find you. I know we don’t have an appointment, but I realized I didn’t have your number and I figured I’d just wait outside your office to see when you were free.” Rafael really wants to ask why Bella didn’t just ask Carisi for his number but also very much does not want to get sidetracked, because he knows how deadly that can be with Bella Carisi.

“What did you want to talk about, Mrs. Sullivan?”

“Tommy got a call from O’Dwyer today. He said that there was some kinda deal or somethin' made. Or that the charges were dropped? It wasn’t really clear. But he wouldn’t say anythin' over the phone.” O’Dwyer really is a terrible lawyer, Rafael thinks absently, to call a victim like that, before shaking himself out of that thought. Especially since Rafael’s certain he hadn’t spoken to the Sullivans before today. “I was wondering if you knew what had happened,” she asks, clearly knowing full well that he knows exactly what happened. 

Rafael does. He also knows Bella isn’t going to like what he has to tell her.

“Deal would be a kind word for it.” If Rafael gets out of this conversation without cursing out a colleague it will be a minor miracle. O’Dwyer is tough on crime; Rafael knows his record. Why couldn’t he take this case more seriously? “Donna Marshall is out of a job, but not much more than that.”

He’s not certain that Bella Carisi wants the details. That O’Dwyer expressed his uncertainty of bringing this case to trial on the word of several ex-cons. On calling Luiz Solis and finding him uncertain whether he wanted to testify. On calling Andrew Michaels and receiving vague answers and nothing else.

Rafael knows--he’s certain there’s more victims and that’s the only reason Donna Marshall even went far enough to quit her job. There are more victims and, while she can claim three drug addicts have some sort of grudge against her, claim innocence more and more loudly, claim sex with Tommy Sullivan was consensual and that the others are pretending something happened when it didn’t, she can’t claim that for more victims. So she’s giving up while she’s ahead. While she still looks something like an innocent victim, unfairly harassed by convicts and the family of convicts and the DA’s office.

While she can get away without spending a second in jail. She’ll lose her job and she won’t be allowed anywhere near her former parolees. And that’s all O’Dwyer thinks he can get. So that’s all Tommy Sullivan will get. 

Rafael’s pretty sure he remembers a time when he didn’t even think about victims.

“I kinda figured somethin’ like that happened.” Rafael has met Bella Carisi a handful of times and he’d never taken her for the type to be so resigned to her spouse’s fate. But here she is, with a sort of quiet smile on her face. She’s accepted this ages ago, Rafael realizes. It took a long time for Marshall to be arrested, given all of the...complications surrounding her arrest, and a long time for this particular deal to be reached, given everyone involved dragged their feet.

At a loss for anything else to do, Rafael pats her shoulder twice and turns to the side to walk past her, more quickly than strictly necessary. 

“ADA Barba?” Rafael turns back to look at Bella Carisi, whose face is turning red in a way Rafael doesn’t think he can fully explain from the cold. “There’s something else. That I wanted to talk to you about. And I just wanted to talk to you now because--well I’m not sure when I’m going to see you again.”

Rafael has a sudden fit of panic at the idea that Bella contacted Donna Marshall. He tunes his voice into its most serious, demanding version. “What do you need to tell me?”

“I don’t--I’m not telling you anything.” Bella Carisi looks extremely uncomfortable, but soldiers on. “I wanted to talk to you about my brother.”

She wants to what now? “You want to--what--” slips out before Rafael can even stop himself and he feels color rise to his cheeks as well. Carisi’s sister looks slightly emboldened by his embarrassment and Rafael’s glad one of them is getting something out of it.

“Look I don’t know the exact,” she stops, “I don’t know exactly what happened. And I don’t really know the whole situation or about your soulmate or anything.” This conversation has gotten so far away from Rafael that he’s not entirely certain where he is or where this is going. What had Carisi told his sister? What does Carisi know? Rafael wasn’t aware he knew anything. Where is she going with all this? “But, Sonny thinks you’re just the best.” Bella Carisi’s eyes are wide and Rafael finds himself staring into them, almost transfixed. “And, like, I don’t know what’s goin’ on with your soulmate, and if you were waitin’ or if you’re in a relationship or somethin’. I get that really I do.” It’s the middle of winter Rafael shouldn’t feel this warm. “If you’re not though, I don’t know what you and Sonny talked about but maybe you could give him a chance. I know he’s...Sonny, but I think that he--”

Rafael decides this needs to end. He’s seen how Carisi’s ramble. “I already think your brother’s great. You don’t need to convince me of anything.” Rafael would never in a million years say these words to Carisi’s face. He would probably never say them again. But to Carisi’s younger sister, who’s just trying to help? He’d give her that. Even if this was a wildly inappropriate conversation that Rafael wishes he was not currently having. 

Bella looks back at him, face curving into a smile. “I’m really glad. And I hope you two work stuff out.” Bella looks down the steps of the courthouse. “Okay. Sorry for stopping you. Again.” She takes one step down. “Catch you later, ADA Barba.”

“Goodbye, Mrs. Sullivan.”

Rafael stands there for a moment, thinking, not about the case, either case, but thinking hard about Carisi. Considering him, turning him over in his head like that’ll make him understand him. Rafael didn’t know what to do with Carisi at all at first. Liv complained about how overeager her new recruit seemed, but Carisi always shrunk in Rafael’s presence when they first met, avoiding his eyes, avoiding him, to the point that Rafael found it a little unnerving. Then he loosened up, started talking, sharing stories, coffee, and inane legal opinions, hovering wherever Rafael was. 

Rafael thinks about Carisi’s soulmate; Carisi almost told Rafael about that months ago before backing out, the coward. He thought, at first, that something terrible had happened when Carisi tried to tell him about soulmates and crimes, but now he thinks it’s far more likely that Carisi’s soulmate just rejected him. Carisi sounded sad, not traumatized when he talked about his soulmate.

So, Carisi gets rejected by his soulmate and now his sister’s around to make certain that his new crush doesn’t break his heart. Adorable. Some smart, handsome detective who, for all intents and purposes, doesn’t have a soulmate, has enough of a thing for Rafael to tell his family about it.

Rafael walks down toward the coffee stand with a new energy in every step. He’s going to do well in court tomorrow.


	10. The People v Ryan Peyton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael goes to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for the delay. Real life has been kicking my ass.
> 
> This chapter is completely unbetad so forgive my spelling errors.

“All rise.”

Rafael stands at the same time as Efron as Judge Elena Barth walks into the court, smoothing down his tie in a gesture he knows looks professional and not nervous, though it is a nervous gesture. He takes the moment that Judge Barth takes to get to her bench to study opposing council. 

Efron stands with her hands folded behind her back. She doesn’t even bother to cover her mark, even though it’s stopped. He guesses Efron doesn’t care about being perceived as rude. Ryan Peyton dresses up and looks down, not really able to meet the eyes of anyone in the courtroom. He looks like he’s trying to look innocent and it makes Rafael’s stomach roll in disgust. 

Judge Barth finally sits and takes a moment to situation herself, which is such an unnecessary power move for someone who already holds all the power, before addressing the court. “You may be seated.” 

Rafael’s halfway through his case in chief and he’s still not certain of the temperature of the jury. Amaro and Carisi gave their account of the security footage and the confession, or, as close to a confession as Peyton gave them, respectively and while they were clear, and convincing, Efron put doubt in every action. In the possibility of a coincidence with the two of them being at the bar at the same time, in the vagueness of what Peyton confessed to, in how he broke down but never admitted, directly, to doing anything to actually harm Prentiss. It’s not convincing but it’s reasonable doubt and that’s all Efron needs.

In the jury, Rafael has picked up uncertainty, which is something he needs to squash, but not indifference. Indifferent kills cases--if the jury does not care about the crime or the victim then the case is as good as over. Prentiss will be last, and her account should nail down any doubts about the severity of the crime. Even if the jury doesn’t want to believe someone could do that to their soulmate; Rafael will make them. 

Fortunately, Rafael has another witness before Prentiss has to take the stand.

Barth finishes whatever she was doing at the bench and nods at Rafael. “Court is now in session. The prosecution may now call its next witness.”

“The prosecution calls Amanda Rollins to the stand.” 

Rafael only had two witnesses left. The physical evidence is shaky; they never managed to find the weapon nor to link any weapon to Peyton, so Rafael’s case mostly revolves around Peyton’s presence at the bar, which Amaro already confirmed, Carisi’s talk with Peyton, and Prentiss's own testimony. Rollins will tell them now; Prentiss will corroborate tomorrow. Barba’s seen the defense’s options and they are limited. 

Rollins walks slowly, making eye contact with the jury while she approaches the bench. He’ll have to remind her that people can find that off-putting when they get a recess. And that clenching her fists can come off as aggressive. Juries are sensitive. 

Rollins sits and Barba starts immediately. They’ve practiced; there’s no need for hesitation. “Please state your name spelling your last name for the record.”

“My name is Amanda Rollins. That’s R-o-l-l-i-n-s.” Juror number 7 shifts, clearly surprised by her accent and Rollins clearly bites back a smirk. 

“And what do you do for a living, Miss Rollins?” Rollins goes into an impressive description of her job and all her responsibilities and qualifications as a detective, which goes on for a second too long. Rafael decides to cut her off before Efron starts objecting to narrative. 

“And what is your involvement in today’s case, Detective Rollins?”

Amanda settles into the witness role quickly, facing the jury. “Like I said, I was the lead detective on the case and I took Sarah Prentiss’s original statement as well as several follow up statements regarding her assault on March 31st. And the events that preceded and followed the assault.” Vague enough as to avoid saying how long it took for Prentiss to give the statement. Not so vague as to look like lying if Efron cross-examined her on this point.

“And what preceded the assault?”

“Sarah Prentiss had broken up with her soulmate, Ryan Prentiss, on March 30th, the day before. This had been preceded by several fights before that date.” Rafael waits for a ‘beyond the scope’ objection, but with none forthcoming, he continues on.

“What did they fight about?”

“Sarah Prentiss said that Peyton had gotten possessive.” Rollins speaks too quickly for Efron to easily say anything at that and Rafal hides a smirk. “He’d been isolating her from her friends, her co-workers, her family and told him she was leaving him and that he should get out of their appartment.” 

Efron stands up. “Objection, hearsay.”

The jury files out obediently for their arguments. Rafael turns to Judge Barth. “This goes to show the subsequent action of the witness.” Barth seems to consider for a moment. 

“Unless the statement itself caused the subsequent action, then the statement itself is hearsay.” And, more than likely, more prejudicial than probative, she doesn’t add, though Rafael can hear her think it as she stares at him disapprovingly. “I’m going to sustain the objection.”

Rafael nods, tries to think of a way to rephrase, wondering if he needs to rephrase or if he should just move on. Efron continues before siting. “Move to strike the offending testimony from the record?” Rafael makes a valiant attempt and manages not to roll his eyes at how unnecessary it was for her to say that.

“So stricken.” 

The jury comes back inside and Judge Barth instructs them to disregard Rollins’s last statement. Efron sits. If Rafael had his choice, he’d have another judge for this case. Barth is fair, she’s certainly not Bertuccio or someone that Rafael has any contempt for, and there are a lot of judges Rafael has a good amount of contempt for, but she’s easy on the defense and tends to give a little more leeway than he would like on crosses, especially with nervous witnesses. 

Rollins isn’t nervous, fortunately enough. She continues on as if the objection had never occurred. 

“As stated previously, Sarah had broken up with Peyton on the 30th.” Repeat dates. Juries attention spans are equal to goldfish and information must be spoonfed. “She went to a bar on the night of the 31st and left at some point between eleven and eleven fifteen p.m. at which point she was assaulted.”

Amaro already spent a good time convincing the jury that Peyton was at the bar “In what way was she assaulted?”

“She was stabbed, in the stomach, with a small blade that was immediately removed. She was found at 11:16 by patrons at the bar while they were leaving and hospital records indicate that she couldn’t have been there for more than fifteen minutes. Hospital records indicate she would have died of these injuries if she hadn’t been found in this period of time.”

“And how did you learn all of this?” Rafael says before Efron can say anything.

“Sarah Prentiss told me this, exactly.”

“Nothing further.” 

Rollins’s cross mostly consists Efron questioning her on her medical expertise because apparently, being stabbed in the stomach and left to die might not constitute attempted murder in the reality that Efron lives in. The cross is short and doesn’t accomplish much, but that doesn’t mean that Barth wants to deal with another witness today.

“Court is adjourned for today. We’ll resume at--” Judge Barth looks down at her notes and Rafael wonders how busy judges must be, even compared to lawyers, “9:00 a.m. tomorrow.” 

Peyton and Efron leave the courtroom quickly as the jury files out. Rafael looks back into the gallery and immediately falls on Carisi, who’s talking in a low voice to Rollins, who seems to have gotten to the gallery without Rafael even noticing. Carisi seems thrilled to be back in the courtroom, having been exiled at all points before his testimony and he shoots Rafael a small smile that Rafael returns, slightly.

Not feeling like being praised for what was an honestly average performance, Rafael cuts Carisi off before he can even say anything. “Hoping to pick up some tips, Detective?” He nods at Rollins. She was, after all, the one who eventually got Prentiss to talk.

Carisi smiles at Rollins, something smaller and sweeter than he gave to Rafael. He’d feel a little jealous, if he wasn’t feeling fairly secure in Carisi’s affections for him. “From Rollins? Always.”

Rollins, however, looks a little more concerned. “How you thinkin’ the jury’s feelin’ Barba?” Barba considers for a second.

“Hopefully better after tomorrow. Now, if you will both excuse me,” he continues, heading out, “I’ve got a meeting.”

Rafael’s meeting could be going better.

Sarah Prentiss is considerably less prepared for testimony than Rollins. She stutters over her description of the stabbing, but worse than that her eyes drip with uncertainty. People are more likely to believe a stabbing than a sexual assault, but less likely to believe this from a soulmate, so the whole case has evened out in the end. A certain level of reluctance and fear can come across sympathetically, but at this level she’ll seem weak and unreliable. Reluctant victims make the worst witnesses. Rafael remembers Micha Green, remembers Avery Jordan, remembers Paula Bryant, and resolves to get on Prentiss’s good side. If there’s anything victims always need, it’s the knowledge that a wrong was done, that they deserve justice. 

Rafael gets out from behind his desk, trying to remove some of the distance between the two of them. Close enough to comfort; far enough as not to be a threat, he sits next to her, on the other chair in front of his desk. 

“How are you holding up? Do we need to take a break?” They’ve been practicing her testimony for over an hour, which isn’t long at all for Rafael, but he realizes might well be for civilians and then wonders when he stopped thinking of himself as a civilian. “We can get you some coffee.” He doesn’t wait for an answer, because Prentiss doesn’t seem inclined to answer at the moment, instead buzzing Carmen immediately. 

Prentiss stares straight ahead, eyes blank. She rests her hand right above her soulmate mark. She hasn’t bothered to hide it. Sarah Prentiss met Ryan Peyton at exactly 8:13. Rafael touches his wrist; feels a similar time. He brushes his suit like he was just trying to get off some dust and waits. Prentiss will talk on her own. 

“I don’t. I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can testify. I can’t do it. I can’t send him to jail. He’s my soulmate.”

There are very few things in the world Rafael hates more than soulmates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My experience with real life court is limited while my experience with mock trial is wide. Courtroom scenes will much more closely resemble the court of Midlands than real life court.


End file.
